


Annoying arachnid

by Jaykatt



Category: Deadpool (2016), Deadpool (Comics), Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (2012), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angry characters, Developing Relationship, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Spideypool - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-02
Updated: 2016-06-29
Packaged: 2018-04-29 15:30:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 21,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5132747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaykatt/pseuds/Jaykatt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Deadpool is a simple man. All he wants to do is earn money and use said money to buy chimichangas and guns. Sadly a certain Spider-Man does not approve of his ways of earning money and so he's determined to get the merc to mend his ways. Deadpool doesn't agree.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> This is my very first Spideypool fic and I have by no means read every Deadpool comic there is, so feel free to point out any ooc-ness, and I'll try and fix that. Also, I don't have a beta reader so please excuse any grammar or spelling mistakes, and I'll try to fix it as soon as possible.

Wade had had a fantastic day. He had taken some guys out and earned himself 25k to spend on chimichangas and guns, and he had another mission that would earn him 50k more to spend on even more chimichangas and guns.

”I'm on a fucking roll!”, the merc shouted while slicing through yet another baddie. Suddenly, one of his katanas was snatched from his hand by a web and thrown out of sight. ”Hey, don't snatch my baddie slicers!”, Deadpool shouted up in no particular direction. Spider-Man jumped down in front of him and webbed the remaining bad guys to the walls of the narrow alleyway they were in. He then turned to look at the mercenary.

“Stop with the killing”, he reprimanded. Wade rolled his eyes. 

“Stop ruining my missions! A guy wants them dead and I want my 50k, it's a fair deal. I don't need bugs running around, telling me what to do and not to do”, he said while looking around for his katana.

“Arachnids”, Spider-Man corrected, making sure that all of the bad guys were firmly tied down.

“Yeah, whatevs”, Wade growled, finally finding his katana behind a pile of old newspapers. He picked it up and turned back to Spider-Man.

“So is there any reason you're all up in my business?”.

“No, this is the time I usually patrol and I just happened to be in the area when I saw you fighting these guys”, Spider-Man said and gestured at the struggling men.

“And then you decided to throw a moral lecture in my face”, Wade concluded. “I get it, friendly neighborhood Spider-Man and all that”, he sighed, scratching his head with his gun.

**Why don't you just shoot the spider and the baddies, and then we'll get the money anyways! Win-win situation!**

“Nah, I can't do that. Sure, he's annoying, but he's pretty cool sometimes. Besides, I don't wanna get Fury and the Avengers after my ass either”, Wade answered, getting ready to go home and eat tacos. He didn't feel like looking for more missions when there was the risk of Spider-Man botching them up as well.

“Who are you talking to?”, Spider-Man asked, looking at Wade as if he was crazy. Well, he wasn't half wrong.

“Long story, don't owe you an explanation, toodeloo Spidey”, Wade said, taking the fire escape stairs up to the roof of the nearest building, leaving Spider-Man to clean up the mess he had left behind.

 **Do you know how many chimichangas we could have bought for 50k?!**  

_Can you even count?_

**Well...no, but we could probably buy many!**

“Will you shut the fuck up?! Like I said, I don't want the Avengers after my ass”, Deadpool snarled, jumping from the roof and landing as carefully as possible on a windowsill.

_You did earn 25k earlier today._

“Damn right I did! Am I awesome or what?”, Wade grinned to himself. The voices rolled their nonexistent eyes as Wade finally got to his window, sliding the blade of his katana under it and carefully opening it. He jumped inside.

“Home sweet home”, he said, grimacing at the stench of week-old pizza and blood stained suits laying strewn across the floor.

_Maybe you should clean that up._

“Maybe you should go jerk off or something”. Wade threw himself on the old, creaky sofa and started the TV. He had to kick it several times before it finally came to life with a sound that a healthy TV really shouldn't make.

**See, we do need money!**

Deadpool sighed. “As much as I wouldn't want to admit it, you're right. Listen up dweebs, tomorrow I'll find a new mission and if that Spider geek comes back I'll blow his brains out. Sounds like a plan?”. The voices agreed.

“Then shut the fuck up and let me watch TV!”.

* * *

 

The next day, Deadpool got up unusually early and checked his phone. As he had suspected, there were a lot of messages asking for his services. He scrolled through the list, barely visible through the cracked screen.

**Ooh, pick that one, it's 95k** ! 

“I don't feel like today is the day to kill Tony Stark, so no thanks”, Wade replied in a snarky tone. “But maybe that one”, he said and looked at a message offering him 65k if he sneaked into a warehouse in the outskirts of town, killed two guards, and stole some important files. 

_What's the catch? That's an awful lot of money for two guards and some files._

“Good thinking! I like this guy, we should keep him around. But what's the worst they can do? I'll just heal”, Deadpool laughed and prepared to get out and kick some ass. 

* * *

 

When he returned home that evening it was with approximately all of his bones broken or fractured, and without his left arm. 

“It'll grow back”, he mumbled and chuckled, then gripped at his ribs. “Ow, ow, okay no laughing”.

_What's the worst they can do?_

“Very funny, smart ass. How was I supposed to know that the guy meant to write 200 guards instead of 2? But we've got the 65k and this will be all healed up in the morning”. He shut the door after stumbling into the apartment and then carefully sat down on the sofa. Suddenly there was a tap on the window. The merc drew his gun before he even looked up. A red mask with webs on it peered back at him. 

“Great”, Wade mumbled and got up to open the window. The webhead slunk in gracefully. 

“What do you want?”, Deadpool asked, really not happy about having to deal with more of the spider's reprimands. 

“Did you have anything to do with the warehouse in the harbor?”, Spider-Man asked suspiciously. 

“What, me? No, I've been here all day”, Deadpool said, knowing that Spidey wouldn't believe him, but never missed an opportunity to mess with him. 

“So your arm just up and left then?”, Spider-Man cocked an eyebrow under his mask. 

“Yup, we never really liked each other anyways”, Wade said nonchalantly, trying to ignore the pain of regrowing the arm. “And why are you suddenly my personal babysitter? I suspect you're here on the orders of Fury, since he's always so disapproving of what I'm up to. Why did the Avengers send the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man?” 

“All the others are down by the harbor, trying to sort out the damage YOU caused. I came here because I knew you had something to do with it. I found your katana”, Spider-Man said, sounding even sterner than before. 

“Look kiddo, you're probably at least 10 years younger than me so don't act all condescending. And also, give me back my katana or I'll kick you in the balls”, Deadpool warned, looking more serious than ever. If there was something he valued, it was his weapons, and no way that he would let Spider-Man keep them. Spider-Man first looked taken aback by what the merc had said, but soon collected himself. 

“Your katana is now official evidence and has been confiscated by SHIELD”, he said, preparing for the merc to become enraged. 

“It's okay, 'cause you're gonna get it back for me”, Deadpool said, as calmly as he could while flexing his new left hand. Spider-Man took a step back. 

“I am not!”, he exclaimed. 

“Then I have no choice. Say bye bye to the family jewels”, Deadpool prepared to deliver a kick so hard Spidey's head would get stuck in the ceiling. 

“Wait! Wait a minute!”, Spider-Man jumped up, sticking to said ceiling. He stared angrily down at Wade. 

“I know your weapons are important to you, and I'll see what I can do to get your katana back”, he sighed. 

“Good enough”, Deadpool concluded, sinking back down into the couch. “Give it to me by this time tomorrow”. 

Spider-Man nodded and jumped back out of the window, glad to put as much distance as he could between himself and the maniac mercenary. 

_Do you think he'll actually come back?_

“He better, or I'll find him”.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spider-Man shows up with Wade's katana as promised, but Wade has to go through quite a bit to get it back from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who's taken their time to read this story and to give it kudos, you guys are awesome! As usual, feel free to point out any ooc-ness or grammar/spelling mistakes, and I will happily fix them!

Deadpool stayed home playing video games the following day. Blasting people's heads off in GTA was much less work and much less mess than it was in real life. Around 3 pm he went to the phone to order a pizza which was delivered too late and too cold. He took a bite.

“Yuck, why didn't I get tacos instead?”, he mumbled to himself.

**You can never go wrong with tacos.**

“Damn right”. He sat himself down in the sofa again and continued his game, leaving the pizza to rot in a cozy pile of other old pizza boxes. He threw a glance over to the stinky, moldy boxes and thought that he didn't care what anyone said about it – they were a damn fine interior decor item! Almost a work of art!

_You're getting shot at._

Wade returned to the game to find that yes, he was actually getting shot at. Guns blazing, he completely destroyed a strip club and a park, while loudly shouting 'pew, pew, pew!'.Who wanted to actually keep to the missions when his own life was fucking full of them?

The merc didn't realize how much time he had spent in front of the TV until he heard a knock on the window and saw that the sky had turned pitch black with faint, twinkling stars. He got up to let the spider in.

“Geez Spidey, I have a door, you know”, he said while Spider-Man climbed in.

“I know, but-”

“A back door”, Deadpool cut him off and started to roar with laughter. “Get it? Haha, take the back door Spidey!”, Deadpool doubled over with laughter and Spider-Man didn't look too impressed.

“I get it, it just wasn't very funny”, he said. The merc looked at him, straightening up.

“Eh, what do you know, I'm the master of laughter here”, he said and shrugged. Then he saw that Spidey was carrying his katana in a sheath on his back. He reached for it, but got his hand full of web. Spider-Man looked at him incredulously.

“I had to convince Fury that you were innocent, even though I know you aren't. What do I get for my troubles?”, he asked, sounding a little less like the ever-so-generous Spider-Man Deadpool had come to know about.

“Aren't you a superhero? Aren't you supposed to help people for free? That's one of the reasons I skipped the superhero gig and went straight for mercenary; I like the money”, Wade said and reached for the katana again. His hand was slapped back once more.

“I help innocent people for free. You're not innocent. What do I get for my troubles?”, Spider-Man asked again, this time sounding a bit scary. Deadpool really liked messing with the guy, but if he wanted to get his katana back he supposed he had to offer the spider something.

“A kiss?”, he suggested jokingly. When Spider-Man didn't look impressed, he sighed. “Alright, I won't kill anyone or destroy anything for a week”, he said, pouting his lips sullenly.

“A month”, the spider said sternly. Deadpool almost tripped from shock.

“A MONTH?! I need money to buy food, you know!”, Wade all but roared, looking at Spider-Man disbelievingly.

“Aren't there any missions where you don't have to kill or destroy?”, the spider said, sounding confused all of a sudden.

“Do you even know what mercenaries do? Besides, I have a reputation to uphold! If Deadpool suddenly becomes a fucking wuss, no one will ever hire me for a job ever again”, the merc growled, not wanting to even think about what would become of him if that ever happened. He had never been one to sit around doing nothing; having the mercenary gig helped him get rid of excessive energy.

“Then help me out doing superhero stuff”, Spider-Man suggested. Deadpool barked out a sharp laugh.

“You earn less than I do on the days I don't even work”.

“...True, but uncalled for”, Spider-Man said while looking contemplative. “Yeah, I don't actually have a solution to the problem. But if you want your katana back you'll have to stay away from the mercenary stuff for a month”, he said, looking half apologetic, half smug.

“I didn't think you were the blackmailing type, Spidey”, Deadpool said, continuing when he saw the spider starting to protest. “But fine, I'll do it. Now give me back my sword!”, he said, stretching after it a third time. Spider-Man jumped out of reach. Deadpool had to grip his own arm to stop himself from getting his gun and blowing the spider's brains out.

“You'll get it back when the month is over”, the spider said, getting ready to jump out of the window.

“The voices were right, I should have killed you before”, Wade mumbled under his breath. Spider-Man could of course hear him, but chose to ignore him.

“See ya later, Wilson”, Spider-Man cheerfully said, jumping out and webbing away.

**Did SPIDER-MAN just blackmail you into staying out of the mercenary business for a whole month? Where the fuck have your balls gone?**

“Fuck you”, Wade growled, not feeling like dealing with the voices' shit.

**You could have shot him! Why agree to this bullshit?**

_Yeah, this month is going to be shit._

Apparently the voices were going to keep nagging him. Suddenly Wade had a great idea; if the voices didn't want to leave, he could just kill them! He got his gun and shot himself in the head, everything turning black. 

Whoops, that wasn't very well thought out.

* * *

 

When Wade woke up on the floor the next day, he had a nasty headache.

_That's what happens when you shoot yourself in the head._

“I don't need any remarks from you, thank you”, Deadpool mumbled, getting up and looked down at the floor. It was a mess of brain matter and blood. He shrugged, the smell of blood was something he'd become accustomed to long ago. Suddenly his stomach growled. Opening the creaky fridge door revealed nothing but beer and a moldy bit of cheese. He slammed the door shut, nearly unhinging it. Deciding he would go get a chimichanga at the taco place down the street, he went out to the not-quite busy street. He heard someone shout 'Look, it's Spider-Man!', so he did the only appropriate thing and flipped them off. He was tired of being associated with a guy whose only real accomplishment in life was when he got bit by a radioactive spider. Yeah, he had read the files. As he sat in the quiet booth at the taco place, he thought. Who would win if a unicorn got into a fight with a narwhal? Wait, isn't there a whale called 'sperm whale'?

“Ha, sperm whale”, Wade chuckled to himself in between bites. But why hadn't he shot Spider-Man. Sure, he didn't want to get chased down by Fury and the Avengers, he had already established that, but was that really a good enough reason to not shoot the annoying spider in the face?

**No.**

“Was I talking to you?”, Deadpool growled. Maybe he should pay the spider a visit and finish the job? He could handle the Avengers, right?

* * *

 

Two weeks went by before Deadpool actually decided to visit Spider-Man. The reason was that after he had fought with the voices about narwhals and unicorns, he forgot all about his plans to kill Spidey. When he, two weeks later, woke up to a rumbling stomach and having blown all of his money on new weapons (“What? Buying weapons has become kind of an addiction, okay?!”), he remembered the one responsible for his lack of food. Deadpool set out to find the webhead's aparment, finding the file he had stolen from an office at SHIELD HQ. Apparently his name was Peter Parker, and Wade looked up his address, making his way there. The area was kind of run down, although not even close to his own neighborhood. He stood outside, trying to figure out how to get in. Climbing up the fire escape and slamming the lock of the window open with the butt of his gun seemed to do the trick. He climbed inside and looked around. The apartment was small, even smaller than his own; an extremely tiny kitchen and living room joined together with doors for the bathroom and bedroom closer to the front door. Suddenly the door to the bathroom opened and in the blink of an eye Wade suddenly found himself tied to the wall by webs, unable to move.

“What are you doing here? How do you know where I live?”, Spider-Man all but shouted, holding a hand in front of his face as a makeshift mask.

“Calm down, you don't have to cover your face. I already know your name is Peter Parker”, Wade said, almost amused. Peter made a strange sort of gasp sound when hearing that his identity had been revealed, but he removed his hand from his face.

“You revealed my identity!”, he said accusingly, anger in his hazel eyes.

“Relax Petey, I haven't told anyone else. I needed to find your address so I went through some files I stole from SHIELD ages ago”, Wade tried to wave his hand dismissively, but found that they were still practically glued to the wall.

“You have superheroes secrets files lying around unprotected?”, Spidey said, panic coursing through his voice. Wade frowned at Spider-Man's lack of faith in him.

“No one's gonna steal from me”, Wade chuckled. “Like I said before: I've got a reputation”. Spider-Man didn't look entirely convinced, but calmed down slightly nonetheless. He took a few careful steps towards the merc.

“So why are you in my apartment?”, he asked, frowning. Deadpool made a grimace, concealed by his mask. He couldn't possibly tell Spider-Man the truth when he was tied to the wall, not being able to get his hands on any of his weapons. If he told Spider-Man he got there to shoot him, he would probably get angry.

“I came here to shoot you”, he said and immediately banged the back of his head against the wall when he realized he had said the wrong thing. Spider-Man didn't seem like he was going to attack him, though.

“...To shoot me?”. The webhead almost sounded amused, cocking his head to the side. Deadpool didn't really see the fun in it, but hey, maybe the spider was as crazy as he himself was.

“I mean, you tried to blackmail me. People generally don't do that, so I figured I had to kill you to show people what happens if they pull stunts like that”, Wade said and tried to shrug against the binds. He looked at the spider again and to his surprise he looked almost apologetic.

“Yeah...about that...”, the webhead started. “I really didn't mean it as blackmail, I just don't want you going around killing people. It's always difficult figuring out who's side you're on, since it usually depends on what your mission calls for. Therefor it's hard to know, when I see you around town, when to web you to the ground and when to help you”, Spider-Man shrugged. “But even though I did it to keep you from killing, I do feel bad about practically stealing your katana. So I'm going to give it back”. He cut Deadpool down from the wall and held out his sword to him. Wade took it before he could change his mind.

“Wow Spidey, you're not a total dick after all”, Wade chuckled, sheathing his sword and turned around to get out the window again.

“You could still try the not killing-thing”, Peter said hopefully. Wade turned around to look at him, hand on the window frame.

“Not a chance, Petey”, he grinned and jumped out onto the fire escape.

“Asshole!”, Peter called down after him, and Wade flipped him off while climbing down.

* * *

 

_At least you got your katana back._

Deadpool sat down on his bed, dragging his heavy boots off.

“Yeah, and Spidey wasn't a total asshat either”, he said while pulling the upper part of the suit over his head. He looked down at his scarred skin.

“Geez, is it just me or does it look more crap than usual?”. He poked a ridge reaching from his collarbone down to his armpit.

**You always look like crap.**

“Nah, there's no one more handsome and sexy than me”, Wade said confidently and, after stripping the rest of his clothes off, he climbed in under the covers.

“Nighty-night, voices”, he said, cheerfully.

**Nighty-night!**

_Goodnight._

Wade then fell asleep, dreaming about pancakes.

* * *

 

 

**WADE, WAKE UP!**

Wade woke with a start, almost falling out of bed.

“Save the puppies”, he mumbled panicky, dragging his hand across his face.

**Oh, good, you're up!**

“Is there any particular reason you woke me up?”, Wade asked sullenly.

**I'm hungry.**

“No, you're not, you're a voice. Hey, where's the other guy?”, Wade asked when he didn't hear the italics voice.

**He's sleeping in, said he had a headache.**

“Sure”, Wade murmured, thinking that it didn't really make any sense. He got up and almost knocked over a lamp in his sleepy state. After pulling on a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie, he went to make breakfast. Since he had had a lovely dream about pancakes, he decided that he would make some for breakfast. He found a package of pancake mix and since he didn't have any milk, he mixed it with beer. It would still taste good, right?

**That looks too runny.**

“Don't you know I'm the pancake master?”, Wade asked, pouring the brownish batter into an almost-clean frying pan.

**Yeah, I know, but you usually use milk instead of beer.**

“Whatever, same thing”, Deadpool muttered, flipping the pancake. It actually looked pretty alright once it had had some time in the frying pan. The kitchen filled with the smell of pancakes and beer, something Wade considered to be an almost perfect combination.

**You could find a mission today, and maybe we'll have milk for tomorrows batch of pancakes.**

“Aw, but I'm so used to lazing around, playing video games all day, now”, Wade whined, while putting the first pancake on a plate.

_You dedicated so much time to get back at Spider-Man for trying to keep you away from your missions, and now you don't even feel like going on a mission?_

“Good morning, italics guy! And yeah, you're right, I should probably find a mission today. Nothing big though, wouldn't wanna pull a muscle”, he grinned while balancing the plate to the small table.

_Very funny, Wade._

“Hey, don't be all sarcastic! Maybe I meant it, pulling a muscle hurts. For about half a second”. He dug in to the stack of pancakes, frowning when they didn't taste quite as good as they smelled. “You're probably right though, we do need money for milk. These tastes horrible”, he grinned and ate them anyways.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deadpool earns some money and makes a mighty fine deal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading, leaving kudos, and commenting, it means a lot to me! Point out any ooc-ness or grammar/spelling mistakes and I'll get right to fixing it!

“That mission?” Wade asked while scrolling through his phone.

_The pay is good, but it's probably going to take you at least a week._

“Ugh, no thanks”, Wade muttered and continued scrolling. Suddenly he found a mission along the lines of taking out a minor boss of a gang of thugs. The pay was 45k.

“That's good, I guess”, he muttered to himself and went to put on his suit.

An hour later he stalked through the corridors of an underground base, trying to find his target. As he sliced through a group of guards, he idly wondered if the message had stated anything about not killing anyone other than the target. 'Well, it was too late now', he thought as one of the guards head came of and slided to the floor with a squishy thud. He took out his gun and shot the other two, leaving the corridor eerily silent. He kicked down the door to his left and found the guy he was supposed to take out. He tried to hide behind his desk, panic gleaming in his teary eyes. Deadpool put the gun to his head and shot.

* * *

 

Some time later, Wade got back to his apartment, groaning when he realized how bloody his suit was.

“That's the pro AND the con of having a red suit; you can't see the blood on it”. He started to take it off while walking into the bathroom. He threw the dirty garments in the bathtub and started to soak them in water. The water slowly turned red as he rubbed at the suit.

**That stinks!**

_It smells like blood and year-old sweat._

“Yeah, I don't have time to wash the suit that often”, Wade said and shrugged. He didn't think the baddies minded his smell, and even if they did, they would get killed anyways.

When he had finished washing, he hung the suit over the sink, letting it dry. After slipping into a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie, he checked his bank account to make sure that everything had gone according to the agreement. He sighed contentedly when he saw the 45k in his account, filling up the otherwise empty space. He made himself a promise that he wouldn't spend ALL the money on “unnecessary” (yeah, right) stuff like guns.

**I'll bet you 10 bucks those 45k will be gone tomorrow morning.**

Wade rolled his eyes, delivering a well-aimed insult to the snide voice. He flicked the TV on, browsing through channel after channel. Apparently the Avengers had been in some fight again.

**Look, there's Spidey!**

Wade did indeed see the camera pan over the webhead as he turned a couple of baddies over to the police. He could hear the voices muttering something about 'theft of suit colors”, and he nodded in agreement. He changed the channel again. It showed some kind of talk show with a busty, tall woman as one of the guests.

**Oh, boobs!**

Deadpool leaned back in the sofa and continued watching.

* * *

 

Suddenly he heard a large explosion outside of his window. He got up immediately, going to the bathroom to retrieve his mask. After putting it on, he looked out the window. There were at least a dozen car alarms going off, and it was a miracle his window was still intact, as the whole building opposite from his own had a large hole in the middle of it. Smoke was billowing out, making the evening seem even darker than it actually was. Men with guns and even more explosives were running around on the street below, apparently trying to cause as much destruction as possible.

Suddenly, a large shield flew through the air, knocking one of the men off his feet. After the shield came a stars-and-stripes-clad man, knocking two other guys down.

'Captain America!', Wade thought with a sort of nostalgic glee, remembering his childhood hero.

After the Cap came the rest of the team, hurrying to catch all of the bad guys.

_If they see you, they'll probably make you help them._

Wade ducked hurriedly, crawling all the way to the sofa. Helping the Avengers didn't earn him any money, so he tried to avoid it as often as he could. There was a rather panicked knock on the window. Deadpool looked up to see Spider-Man. Of course. He sighed heavily and considered not opening the window. Spidey knocked again, looking rather helpless, so Wade decided against his better judgement to let him in.

“I really thought you weren't going to open”, Spider-Man panted as he practically fell into the room. He looked to have at least two broken ribs.

“Don't you look pathetic”, Wade chuckled, helping the spider to his feet. The webhead gave him a look as caustic as he could through the mask.

“You need to help us”, he said abruptly. Wade chuckled even more, shaking his head.

“No, I don't. As you probably know, I'm not on your little wonder team”.

“We need all the help we can get, and the fight is right outside your apartment!”, Peter sounded rather desperate, looking out the window to see if his teammates were still okay.

“Take the fight somewhere else then, I've already been on a mission today. Besides, my suit is in the wash”, he started to push Spider-Man back towards the window, but Spidey wasn't having it.

“Wear those clothes”, he waved at Deadpool's ratty hoodie. “You're wearing the mask anyways”. He took a hold of Wade's arm and started dragging him towards the window. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Wade actually thought the whole panicked-Spidey-thing was pretty adorable. He freed himself from the spider's grip.

“What do I get as payment?”, Deadpool asked, mimicking Spider-Man from the katana-incident. “I know how the Avengers works. If I help you guys out I ain't getting jack shit”, he crossed his arms, looking down at the spider.

“Oh come on, you know I don't have any money! I would happily pay you if I could, but I can't”, Spider-Man threw his hands up in a helpless manner, looking nervously out the window at the fight that was still going on.

“Too bad, I ain't helping you”, Wade said, moving back to the sofa. Peter followed, clearly in deep thought. Then his face brightened up.

“You like tacos, right?”, he asked, grabbing the merc's arm again. Wade turned around, looking suspicious.

“...Yes”, he said, not understanding what the spider was getting at.

“My shift at work ends early on Friday, I can make you tacos as payment if you help out”, Spidey said, proudly.

“Your tacos are most likely not even nearly as good as Samantha's”, Deadpool snorted, raising one eyebrow. Spider-Man looked confused, but continued talking anyways.

“I don't know who Samantha is, but I can assure you that if there's something I know how to make, it's tacos”, Peter said, sounding rather confident. Wade still had his doubts, but the offer started to sound tempting.

“Do you work on Saturdays and Sundays?”, he asked, getting ready by retrieving his katanas and guns from the coffee table.

“No, I don't”, Spidey said, confused as to where the conversation was going. Deadpool put his katana sheats into place on his back, and put the guns into their holsters. He then turned back to Spider-Man.

“Perfect! You owe me tacos every Friday, Saturday and Sunday for a month”, he said and jumped out the window to aid the Avengers.

“A MONTH?!”, he heard Spider-Man shout after him.

* * *

 

“Thank you for helping us, Mr. Wilson. We appreciate it” , Captain America said and shook Wade's hand in a firm grip. “I am aware that you are a mercenary, but I am afraid we can not offer you anything for your help”, he continued, looking slightly apologetic. Wade looked past him to grin at Spider-Man and then looked back at the super soldier.

“Don't worry 'bout it, Cap. I knew that already”, he said and smiled, then started to walk back towards his apartment. He heard footsteps closing in on him and he didn't need to turn around to know who it was.

“A month?!”, Spider-Man all but whispered, angrily. Deadpool continued walking and Spider-Man had to walk with him.

“Yes, a month. I may be in one piece now, but an hour ago I had to drag myself around with the help of my chin, since all my limbs were gone. I worked hard in this fight, I expect to get payed accordingly”, he glanced at Spider-Man, slowing down when he noticed that he was limping. “Now get yourself to a hospital”.

“I didn't agree to a month! You decided it yourself and ran away without asking me, therefore we don't have a deal”, Peter hissed, partly from the pain of moving and partly in anger. Wade stopped, turning to Spidey.

“We. Have. A. Deal”, he snarled, resisting the urge to grab the spider by the collar in front of his entire team. “Stop being so fucking difficult”, he said and continued walking. Spider-Man caught up to him.

“I'm difficult? But fine, you worked hard, I'll agree to your ridiculous deal”, Peter murmured angrily. Wade looked at him as if to say something. He really didn't think Spider-Man would agree.

“...It's not ridiculous”, he said after a while, almost sounding petulant. Peter was silent for a while, and then laughed a loud and warm laugh, and then winced at the pain in his ribs.

“Yes, it is. But I guess making tacos every single weekend for a month isn't so bad”, he said. Deadpool agreed. He went to climb up the fire escape to his window, but turned to Peter at the foot of the stairs.

“Your place this Friday, then?”, he grinned.

“Is 6 PM good?”, Spidey asked, getting ready to shoot a web to sling himself home.

“Sure”, Wade agreed and climbed up to his window.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taco night with Spidey is awesome. Angry clients are not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, reviewing, and leaving kudos, I appreciate it so much! Tell me if you find the characters to be ooc or if you find any grammar/spelling mistakes, and I'll fix it! Also feel free to comment and tell me what you think of the story so far!

Wade woke up feeling ridiculously content. Not only had he been praised by his childhood hero, he had managed to persuade Spider-Man into making him free tacos every weekend for a month. Why Spider-Man had agreed to his absurd request was a mystery to him, but hey, he wasn't one to complain.

Pulling his mask on, he went to look out through the window. The destruction was as extensive as the day before, but the street was already closed off and crawling with SHIELD agents and a clean-up crew. The huge hole Thor had caused by pounding his hammer down onto the street was being filled in with fresh cement. Maybe he should try and steal the hammer? Just for a day or so, to cause some fun mayhem and destruction.

_Thor is the only one who can lift it._

“Party pooper”, Wade mumbled, going into the kitchen to make some pancakes, with milk this time.

**Why? The beer ones were really good!**

“Haha, very funny. You were complaining so loud it made my ears ring”, Deadpool said while gathering his ingredients.

_I don't think that's possible._

“That's it, no pancakes for you guys!”, Wade shouted while throwing everything together in a bowl, muttering something about 'ungrateful sons of bitches'. When the smell of pancakes tickled his nose, his stomach grumbled. That got him thinking about tacos.

“Hey, smart guy, what day is it?”, he asked, casually flipping an overdone pancake. He never bothered to keep track of what day it was, he had voices for that sort of thing.

_I suppose you mean me. It's Friday._

“Taco day!”, Wade shouted, almost dropping his spatula in excitement. Yes, he did have tacos almost every day, but that didn't mean he was less excited when he got to eat it.

* * *

 

Wade checked his phone for missions, hand on his pancake-filled stomach. All he could find were week-long missions; nothing he felt like taking part of. Game of Thrones-marathon it was, then.

_I want to see the episode where that annoying brat gets poisoned._

**I wanna see the episode with boobs!**

“Silly, that's every episode”, Deadpool grinned and kicked his TV to get it going.

He watched 7 episodes in one go, and quickly scrambled to his feet when the voices reminded him that it was 5.30 PM. He turned off the TV and threw himself out the window. _Maybe you should have opened the window before throwing yourself?_

“Yeah, my bad”, Wade muttered, wiping glass shards from his shoulders. At least he had air conditioning now, the thought as he made his way to Spidey's apartment.

He climbed up the fire escape as he had done before, and picked the lock on the window, climbing into the apartment. Peter came from the kitchen to greet him. He wasn't wearing his suit, apparently accepting the fact that Wade already knew his identity.

“I would have opened the window if you would have knocked”, he snorted, the wonderful smell of tacos tickling Deadpool's nose.

“Old habits die hard”, Wade chuckled, closing the window to keep the chilly air out. He looked over at Spider-Man, who were carrying the plates with tacos from the kitchen to the tiny table in the living room.

“You seem awfully quiet today”, Peter noted as he put the plates down and offered Wade a seat.

“I spent all day talking to the voices, guess I got tired of talking. No, wait-”, he said and went into a rant about how he had heard his neighbor fucking every night for the past week. After a few minutes of never ending monologue, and never ending eating, he quieted down and looked at Peter.

“...So, not tired of talking, then?”, Peter looked slightly shocked, even though he knew from experience that Deadpool could talk about anything and everything to anyone and everyone for as long as he felt like it.

“It just really pisses me off”, Wade mumbled, mouth stuffed to the brim with tacos. He didn't even have any qualms about showing the lower half of his face to Peter, that's how good the tacos were. They ate in silence for a couple of minutes, Wade sometimes moaning inappropriately at the deliciousness of the tacos.

“I take that it that you like the tacos then?”, Spidey broke the silence.

“You could almost go work for Samantha”, Wade nodded, looking impressed. Peter looked at him for a while, suddenly strangely silent. Wade almost started to feel self conscious. Almost.

“Hey kid, you're gonna lose your appetite if you keep staring at my skin like that”, Deadpool joked, eating the last of his share of the tacos. Peter blushed in embarrassment and looked away.

“No, I just... I had heard about the-”, he made a gesture at Wade's face. “-scars”, he stopped himself for a moment, trying to form the words. Wade wasn't really offended, he was used to the comments.

“Does it hurt?”, Spider asked after a while, almost looking concerned. Deadpool raised his eyebrows, that was a new one.

“Yeah, kinda, but it's a pretty small price to pay for my ass-kicking healing factor. Besides, I've gotten used to the pain”, Wade chuckled, ogling Spidey's remaining tacos. Peter noticed what had caught his attention and pushed his plate towards Wade.

“I'm full anyways”, he smiled, watching as Deadpool almost swallowed the remaining tacos whole. “You weren't kidding when you said you liked tacos”, Spidey remarked as Wade licked the plate.

**You should kidnap him and have him cook for you!**

“I think Fury would disapprove. As always”, Wade answered the voice. Spider-Man looked utterly confused.

“Why would he?”, he asked, not understanding the connection between tacos and director Fury.

“I was talking to the voices”, Wade explained as if it was the most ordinary thing in the world. He could see that Spidey had a difficult time grasping the concept. Fair enough. “I have two voices in my head. One of 'em is an idiot and the other one is a smart ass”.

**Hey!**

_At least I'm not an asshole!_

“It kinda comes with the whole healing-factor-and-scars-deal”, Wade explained, ignoring the outraged voices.

“...I see”, Spidey said, looking a bit taken aback. Wade felt the need to explain himself further, because if word came out that he was crazy – well, crazier – he could kiss his mercenary gig goodbye.

“I'm not crazy or anything! Well, a little bit, but nothing major. Not Arkham asylum-crazy”, Wade said, a bit unconvincingly. Spidey chuckled, to his surprise.

“Nothing major, got it”. He collected the plates to do the dishes. Wade leaned back, suddenly realizing how full he actually felt.

“It's kinda nice having someone fixing the whole food thing. Usually I order takeaway, if I remember to eat at all”, Wade mumbled, remembering the many days when he would play video games for hours and forget about his stomach until it started to grumble viciously.

“I'm surprised you even let people cook for you. You strike me as the suspicious kind”, Spidey chuckled, scrubbing the plates. Wade noticed that he didn't have a dishwasher in his tiny kitchen.

“I can't be poisoned anyways”, Wade said and shrugged. “When I say immortal, I mean immortal, not just 'kinda hard to kill'”, the merc did quotation marks as he spoke. He didn't understand why everyone was so adamant in believing that immortal didn't mean immortal.

“Dang it, I really can't get rid of you, then?”, Spidey joked while finishing washing up. He walked back to the table.

“Nope”, Wade laughed, thinking that the spider was a pretty okay guy after all. Peter sat down in his chair again, looking a bit confused.

“So”, he said, seemingly at a loss for words.

“So the lightsaber wielding ninja crushed the dinosaur with his foot”, Wade said after a minute of silence from Spider-Man. Peter gave him a funny look.

“...That certainly sounds like an intriguing story”, he chuckled. “But haven't you finished your food now?”, he continued, seeming to imply something. Deadpool was suddenly hit with realization.

“Oh, you want me to leave? Sure thing, webhead, I've probably got some mercenary stuff do deal with anyways. Thanks for the grub”, he said, jumping back to the windowsill.

“You're welcome”, Spidey said after him as he jumped out to the fire escape.

* * *

 

“Whad'ya know, the kid can actually cook”, Wade mumbled when he climbed through the broken window to his apartment.

_I was impressed, to say the least._

**And that butt!**

“Wait, what?”, Deadpool stopped himself, mentally staring down the bold text. The text mentally shrugged.

**What? I can recognize a fine butt when I see one, and if you deny it, you're just lying to yourself!**

“But that's just your opinion!”, Wade protested, sighing when examining the mess of broken glass at the windowsill.

_Wade, he's actually a voice in YOUR head. We have the same opinions and feelings as you, even though the opinions might be in your subconscious._

**Yeah, listen to the smart guy, I have no idea how this shit works!**

“That actually kinda makes sense”, Wade mumbled, then shook his head. “No it doesn't! You're just voices in my head, I don't have to listen to you!”, he turned the TV on and sat himself down, angrily.

_You don't have to listen to us, no. But the fact of the matter is that if the bold text likes Spider-Man's bum, you subconsciously do too._

Wade didn't answer. Maybe the voices were right. Maybe the webhead did indeed have a fine piece of derrière. It wasn't like he had looked or anything.

“Weren't we there to enjoy the tacos?”, Wade asked, confused. Who knew what kind of ulterior motives his voices had?

**I did that too, I can multi task!**

“Yeah, I doubt that”, Wade mumbled, concentrating on the TV. Apparently Tony Stark was hosting some kind of gala, again. Stark had apparently forgot to show up, but his assistant, Pepper Potts was there, looking uncomfortable as she answered questions from the disappointed press. Deadpool wondered why the press even bothered anymore, Tony Stark almost never showed up at events. Wade changed the channel again and fell asleep to a documentary about gibbons.

* * *

 

“WAKE UP!”

The merc woke with a start.

“Give me the pancake”, he mumbled, confused from his dream. He blinked a few times to try to make sense of his surroundings. He was definitely not in his apartment anymore, he was in some sort of warehouse. Craning his neck, he looked around and came to understand that he was hanging upside down from a rope attached to the ceiling. In front of him stood two large men, one with a crowbar and the other with a gun.

“Be gentle, it's my first time”, he joked. In fact, it was not his first time waking up in a strange room, upside down. The men didn't laugh. Figures. People who wanted to beat him up rarely laughed at his jokes.

“We have been hired to kill you”, one of the men grunted. If Wade had a dollar for every time someone said that, he would be able to buy Avengers Tower AND SHIELD. He groaned in annoyance.

“Then we'll be here a long fucking time”, he informed the men. They didn't seem to believe him. The one with the crowbar hit him hard against the face. He could hear his jaw snap, but he quickly cracked it back into place.

“Ouch”, he grinned mockingly. The man hit him again, and Wade snapped his neck back into place, something that hurt a bit more than a broken jaw. He could feel the blood leaking from his, already healed, nose. The blood stained his skin and mask, making a rapidly cooling smear along his mouth and chin. Before the man could hit him again, Deadpool decided he had had enough.

“Okay, calm down Mr. Gorilla”, Deadpool started. To his surprise, the man actually hesitated. He continued to speak. “I know I've pissed off a lot of people because of my line of work. It happens. In this case, I have no idea who sent you, so if you could just tell me the motherfucker's name and-”, he got another blow to the head. “-I mean, the gentleman's name, and I could try to fix this situation”, Wade lied, fully intending to find the fucker and show him what happened if you crossed Deadpool. The two men whispered to each other for a moment, deciding on what to do. The one with the crowbar turned back to Wade.

“He calls himself Mr. L. You have made business with him before”. Wade figured the goons were either really underpaid or really dumb to give him the identity of their boss. He recognized Mr. L as the alias of the person who had asked him to take out a gang leader for 45k.

“So what happened? Did he regret sending me to take that guy out?”, Deadpool almost chuckled, he really didn't give a rat's ass about these conflicts between gangs.

“You took out more people than you were supposed to. Your actions attracted unnecessary attention from our enemies and now the safety of Mr. L is compromised”, the gorilla of a man growled. Wade remembered how he had wondered if he had been allowed to kill people aside from the target. Well, now he had got his answer. To his excuse, the message had been really vague and unspecified. He tried to explain that to the goons, but then thought, what the heck? He wriggled his boot to loosen the small knife he had hidden for these kinds of situations. The knife fell out and landed perfectly in one of his hands, which were bound to his back. The goons didn't seem to notice; they were far too immersed in contacting their boss, wondering what to do with the lunatic that didn't seem to take any damage. As they talked, Wade managed to cut the rope holding his hands, and reach up and cut the rope holding his feet. He fell to the concrete floor with a thud that alerted the two men. They turned around to subdue the merc, but he made short work of them. He then took the phone one of them had dropped and put it against his ear.

“Hello? Were did you go?”, a male voice said. Deadpool grinned when he noted that the man sounded rather desperate.

“I'm afraid I escaped”, he said, mockingly. The other man gasped harshly.

“You... you failed the mission! You didn't do what I told you to!”, the man rambled.

“You gave me vague instructions, and I'm gonna make you regret it”, Wade said and hung up, dropping the phone to the floor again. He decided to go home and wash the blood off of his costume before even considering to go chasing down Mr. L.

* * *

 

_That's the reason you shouldn't take small, obscure jobs._

Wade had abandoned the idea of aggressively trying to scrub the suit clean and resorted to taking a shower with the suit on. His mask was the most blood soaked, so he decided to take it off and throw it in the washing machine. He took all of his clothes off and placed them over the towel rail to dry.

_Were you even listening?_

“I agree with you, something you should know if your little theory about us having the same opinions is correct. Which it isn't”, Wade mumbled, grabbing a pair of pants from the floor. How long had they been there?

_So henceforth you'll only take jobs from bigger organizations?_

Wade rolled his eyes. “I dunno, MOM. Geez, why are you always so responsible? I got out of there, there's no need to be a little bitch about it”, Wade growled. It hadn't been the first time, not even the tenth time, he had been kidnapped and tortured by a client who, for some reason, was dissatisfied with his actions. It wasn't a big deal.

_Someone needs to be responsible, and it sure isn't you. Taking jobs that you know could lead you into a trap is stupid, even for you. You don't want to destroy your reputation._

“Oh, so that's what this is about? My reputation? That's why I'm going to see Mr. L as soon as I can to take him out, make an example out of him”, Wade said, looking at the clock on his phone. It was almost 6 PM. “I'll go see Spider-Man first, though”, he said, threw on a clean Deadpool costume and headed out.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deadpool returns to Spider-Man for their taco night, and it starts out well, when Deadpool's constant jabbering suddenly gets him into trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, reviewing, and leaving kudos! As always, tell me if you find any mistakes and I'll get right to fixing it! Leave a comment and tell me what you think about the story, constructive criticism is always appreciated!

”I still have a door, Wade”, Spider-Man chuckled, sounding a little exasperated, when Wade once again all but fell through the open window.

”That's not as adventurous”, Wade said, getting to his feet. Peter looked up at him and immediately paled, mouth agape. The plates of tacos were forgotten on the table.

“What, is there something on my face?”, Wade asked, wondering if he had forgotten to put his mask on. That would have explained the stares he had gotten when getting to Peter's place. Or maybe the fact that he was in a red and black suit.

“Your mask is covered in blood!”, Spidey said, sounding horrified. Wade wiggled his nose, and sure enough, he could feel the crusty, dried blood coating the nose-and-mouth-section of his mask. Was he still bleeding? That's strange as fuck.

“I thought I had stopped bleeding”, Deadpool mused. Peter didn't look any less horrified.

“But why is your face bloody in the first place?”, he asked, absentmindedly gesturing for Wade to sit down. Wade took a seat in one of the chairs by the table.

“Some people were mad and shit went down. The situation is more or less under control now”, Wade shrugged and proceeded to take off his gloves to feel if he was still bleeding. The mask felt dry and he concluded that maybe he hadn't washed his face properly before changing into a clean mask. Peter continued staring at him.

“You wanna...uh...go wash your face?”, he asked, gesturing towards the bathroom. Wade understood the hint surprisingly quickly.

“Yeah, I should prolly do that”, Wade got up and walked the short way to the door Spidey had gestured towards. The bathroom was, unsurprisingly, just as tiny as the rest of the apartment. He took his mask off and looked in the mirror. His face looked even more terrifying than usual, something he hadn't thought possible. He soaked some paper towels in water and scrubbed at his skin until he had removed as much blood as he could. Looking at the mask, lying on the floor, he realized his face would become just as dirty again if he put it back on.

“Do you have any paper bags or something?”, he shouted to Spidey. At first, there was confused silence on Peter's part, but then he shouted back.

“...Yeah, why?”

“I can't put my mask back on, and you don't need to see this”, Wade chuckled, looking at his face in the mirror. He wasn't exactly self-conscious about his skin, but he knew how he looked and Spidey would most likely not want to eat in the presence of his fuck-ugly mug. Suddenly, Peter was standing in the doorway, looking at Wade. He had been so quiet, Wade almost drew his gun in surprise.

“Are you seriously planning to put a paper bag over your face?”, Spidey said, not even flinching before looking Wade right in the eye. He sounded stern and confused at the same time.

“...Yes?”, Wade said, turning the answer into a question. He didn't really want to make a big deal out of the whole thing; if Spidey, however unlikely it may be, wouldn't mind seeing his face, he could keep the mask off.

“Keep the mask off, Wade. I know you said yesterday that I would lose my appetite, but that is, quite frankly, bullshit”, Spidey said, going back to the table, leaving Deadpool slightly baffled.

Right, apparently it was a big deal to Spidey, so he would keep his mask off, even though he knew he was right about the appetite thing.

~~~~\-----

Wade sat down next to Spidey, looking at the big plate of tacos placed on the table. Apparently, Peter had learned his lesson and had made even more tacos than before.

“Dig in”, Peter said. Wade had already taken a big bite out of a taco. Oh well.

“Delicious”, he tried to say with a mouthful of food.

“You're going to get bored eating tacos every weekend for a whole month”, Spidey said, sounding convinced, while biting into a taco himself. Deadpool raised a non-existent eyebrow.

“Not gonna happen, baby boy”, Wade snorted, shaking his head in the process. Like he was ever going to get tired of tacos! One could think Petey was the crazy one.

Spider-Man looked unimpressed, Wade guessed it was because of the nickname he had just come up with. Hey, one could only come up with so many nicknames for a guy named Peter.

“Were you at the Stark gala yesterday?”, Peter wondered, changing the subject. Wade choked on the food, laughing.

“After what happened the first and last time I was there? I'm guessing the only reason Stark isn't bothering me with the repair costs is because he could afford tearing the place down and building it back up again without even denting his bank account”, Wade said, wondering how Spidey didn't know about what had happened.

“I was there yesterday, the place didn't look wrecked to me”, Peter shrugged, not seeming surprised that Wade had displeased yet another Avenger. Mercenaries like himself tended to not sit well with the righteousness and no-killing rules of the Avengers. Wade rolled his eyes.

“That's because I didn't wreck the place yesterday, webhead, it happened years ago”, he put his feet on the table, earning yet another disapproving look. “I didn't see you on the TV, one would think the press would be all over your ass”, he continued, silently snarling to his voices to shut the fuck up when they started going on about Peter's ass again. Peter eyed him curiously, silently wondering about what strange sort of conversation he was having with the voices, but he kept his mouth shut, and decided to answer what Wade had said to him instead.

“I tend to keep a low profile when I'm at public events”, he said, smiling politely when Wade told the voices to scram in the rudest, most irreverent way possible. Deadpool turned back to Spidey, ignoring the voices' retorts.

“Low profile? Man, with those webs and acrobatic stunts of yours, you could be the life of the party! Then again, don't take any party advice from the guy who is usually thrown out for being too loud or too destructive. And that's me when I'm sober! When I'm drunk, which I'm not very often, because I have to drink buckets and buckets of booze to even get a little bit tipsy, I become more awesome than I normally am! And possibly dangerous, but whatever”. Spider-Man looked at Deadpool, seeming overwhelmed.

“...I think I'll stick to low profile, but thanks for the advice, I guess”, he said, looking taken aback. Wade didn't mind, he knew about Spider-Man's many enemies, and keeping a low profile was probably a smart move. Not that he himself would ever do something as boring as keeping a low profile! Where's the fun in that?

_Keeping a low profile will prevent things like the incident this morning from happening._

“Like I said, where's the fun in that? Those baddies didn't so much as scratch me!”, Wade told the voice, hating how reprimanding the italics voice always sounded.

**Dude, they broke your face! I loved the sound your nose made, getting all smashed in!**

“Yeah, whatever. My nose is totally healed now”, the merc waved the voices' comments away.

“Your nose?”, Spider-Man asked, half amused, half worried.

“Relax, Pete! Like I said before, the situation is more or less taken care of. I just need to find their asshat of a leader, is all”, Wade said, swallowing down another taco. Peter looked stern all of a sudden, but didn't say anything. Wade suspected Peter understood what he was going to do with the gang leader after finding him. The merc decided to change the subject.

\-----

“So what have you been up to lately? You've got a job as a photographer, right?”, he asked, trying to act as polite as he possibly could around Peter. He actually liked his company, and Peter was the only Avenger to stand being within a five mile radius of him for more than ten minutes.

“How do you know I work as a photographer? Ah, right, you've read my file”, Peter said, laughing softly. “Well, my boss is kind of...”, he started, hesitating for a second.

“An asshole?”, Wade suggested, knowing just how much a certain J.J. Jameson deserved that title.

“I probably shouldn't say that, but yes, he's an asshole”, Peter giggled, almost as if he had just said something outrageously naughty. Deadpool almost smiled at his naiveté.

“But it's a job, and it pays the rent. Almost”, Peter sighed, looking towards the door as if he expected the landlord to storm in at any moment, demanding his rent.

“That's the thing I hate the most about SHIELD; I get that they're treating me badly, I'm not following their stupid moral codes, but why the fuck would they treat the Avengers badly? My job is my mercenary stuff, but you have to do Avenger stuff, and normal job stuff, because SHIELD thinks bruises and hope of a better world are acceptable forms of payment”, Wade snorted, thanking his common sense he wasn't stupid enough to join the Avengers back in the day. Peter looked understanding, but incredulous.

“We're supposed to be superheroes, and superheroes demand nothing in return for saving the world. My uncle once told me; 'with great power comes great responsibility', and it is my duty as a hero to save the world as many times as it needs saving”, Peter said, reminding Wade of a certain star spangled Captain. The merc chewed on a taco before answering the spider.

“Well, good luck with that. It ain't gonna pay the rent, though”, Wade said, almost feeling sorry for the hero when he saw the sad look his words had caused. Except that he didn't; he only had himself to blame for joining the Avengers.

“Come on, Pete, you're at least earning some dough from those Spider-Man photos”, he said, patting Peter awkwardly on the shoulder. Peter's expression brightened a bit at that.

“Yeah, you should have seen the photos I took last week! I managed to take a picture in the middle of a fight, with the whole team visible in the background. Of course, I asked the team if it was okay before I sold the picture to the Bugle, and they were alright with it. Thanks to that photo, I won't run out of food for at least a week!”, Peter said, sounding immensely proud. Wade cracked a smile, because more money for Peter's food meant more tacos for Wade. He looked down at his empty plate and sighed almost gloomily. Spidey had also finished eating, and he took his and Wade's plates and walked towards the sink.

**Look at him walking...Damn!**

“We've been through this! You shut the fuck up about his ass, and I'll cook you pancakes in the mornings!”, Wade growled. Peter turned around, looking slightly surprised.

“Who's ass?”, he asked, arching an eyebrow. Shit, Wade hadn't realized he had been talking out loud.

“No one's”, he said, much too quickly. Peter didn't look convinced. He actually looked rather uncomfortable. Shit.

“And here I thought you were here for the tacos”, Peter said, cautiously. Deadpool held his hands up in protest.

“I am, I promise! The bold text-voice is the... bold one”, Wade said, almost biting his tongue to refrain from telling Peter what a good pun he'd just made. Spidey looked disapproving for the umpteenth time that evening, but Wade reluctantly agreed that this time it might actually have been justified. He just didn't want to destroy what frail and newborn almost-friendship he and Spidey had gained. Spidey sighed loudly.

“I suppose I don't mind, just... don't stare”, Peter said and turned around again to finish up washing the dishes. Now, when Wade had expressly been told not to stare, he just had to. At least a little bit.

“Wade”, Peter said, warningly, not even looking at the merc.

“Sorry, sorry! It's just that I'm a 'rules-are-made-to-be-broken'-kinda guy, so when you told me not to stare...”, Wade held back a chuckle, feeling the ridiculousness of the situation. Spidey turned back to him, having finished washing the dishes.

“Do you want me to make tacos or not?”, he said, sourly. Wade's eyes widened in panic.

“Yes, of course! I'll tell bold text to behave!”, he said, and muttered 'behave, fucker!' to the bold text.

**Whatevs.**

Wade supposed that was good enough.

“Don't forget your mask on the way out”, Peter said, coolly, hinting that it was time for Wade to get the fuck out of his apartment. Wade grabbed his mask and pulled it on, dried blood scraping against his sensitive skin. He made his way towards the window.

“I'll be on my way then. See you tomorrow?”, Wade asked, fearing that Spidey wouldn't want anything to do with him after his little faux pas.

“Sure! And please don't get blood all over my bathroom like you did today”, Peter said, sounding amused.

“Can't promise anything, webhead. I'll bring towels if that's the case”, Wade smiled, opening the window to the chill of the night.

“Have a good night, Wade”, Spidey said, smiling as well.

“You too”, Wade said and left the apartment.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deadpool finds the mysterious Mr. L and gets a scolding by Spider-Man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, reviewing, and all that good stuff! Tell me if you find any mistakes and I'll fix them! Also, I feel like I should apologize for Wade and Peter always bickering, but fear not, Spideypool is just around the corner!

As Wade punched and sliced his way through the fourth shady warehouse of the day, he was hoping that he had finally hit the jackpot. At least, that's what all the guys he had tortured had told him. He grabbed the guy he had just sliced in the kneecaps and pulled him close.

“Where is your leader, sweetheart?”, he figured maybe he should ask nicely this time; his usual enraged approach seemed to only freak people out. The guy shook his head at first, but stilled when Wade put a gun to his head.

“He's...he's in that room”, he whined and pointed to a door down the hall. His hand was shaking.

“Thanks, dude!”, Wade thanked him cheerfully and pulled the trigger. The guy fell to the ground, blood pooling on the floor. Wade walked over to the door, kicking it open. Two guards immediately started shooting, but Deadpool was faster, turning them into sushi with his katanas. He then grabbed the guy who tried to hide behind one of his dead guards, and put the gun to his head.

“Are you Mr. L? And please tell me that you are, cause I've been looking for you all day, and it's been real fucking tedious!”, Wade growled, liking the scared look on the man's face. “And don't even think about lying to me, cause I will be able to tell, and you will be really damn sorry”, he continued, pulling the safety off the gun with a click. The man started shaking even worse.

“Yes, I'm Mr. L, please don't hurt me!”, he whimpered, holding his head down to try and get away from the cold metal. Deadpool was having none of that. He took a firm hold of the man's hair and pulled his head back sharply.

“Good. Then would you tell me why the fuck you sent guys to kill me?! Which, by the way, is completely idiotic, because I can't die, asshat”, Deadpool sighed, wishing that his reputation would precede him. Baddies trying to kill him was starting to get annoying.

“You... you didn't do the mission correctly. You killed more people than the target”. Wade had to hand it to the guy; he sure was committed to the cause of telling one of the best mercenaries in the world that he was in the wrong. Kind of a stupid move if you asked him.

“Boohoo, honey, you gave me shit instructions. Now, if you would have just tried to reprimand me or some shit, I wouldn't have had to come after you, but you tried to kill me”, Wade shook his head, making a tut-tut noise. “Now I have to make an example of you. Nothing personal, except that you're kind of an idiot”, Deadpool said, watching as the guy tried to squirm out of his vice-like grip.

“I take it back, I'm sorry! I agree that the instructions I gave you were lacking!”, the guy panicked, trying his best to get the mercenary to just leave quietly without causing any more bloodshed. Wade was thinking that maybe the guy should have looked him up before hiring him, because he obviously didn't know shit about him.

“Sorry's not gonna cut it, home skillet. I need your head. Not literately, though, I just need to kill you”, Deadpool said and pulled the trigger. Blood splattered onto Wade's costume and the man sank to the floor.

**Ew, now you need to wash your suit again!**

“Nah, I just ordered a new one, remember? I'll throw this out”, Wade said taking out a rag to clean the gun with, leaving the warehouse behind him.

\-----

The merc was watching TV when he heard a knock on the window. He looked over to see Spider-Man, and opened for him to come in.

“SHIELD has just found a warehouse full of mayhem and maim, and I fucking know you did it! Wade, what did I tell you about killing people?!”, the webhead sounded furious, taking a menacing step towards Wade.

“That it makes Fury dangerous and Cap weep?”, Deadpool suggested, not actually remembering what Spider-Man had told him about killing people. It probably wasn't good, though.

“Killing is wrong in every sort of way, and you're lucky if Fury ever lets you out of his sight after this! He already suspect you of the incident where I stupidly helped to cover for you, this isn't making things better!”, Peter said, sounding almost a bit hurt.

“Let me out of his sight? People with two eyes can't even keep me in sight!”, Wade joked, but Peter didn't laugh.

“If director Fury tells the Avengers to go after you, you know I'll have to”, Spider-Man said, quietly.

“Oh come on, he wouldn't send the Avengers after me”, Deadpool laughed, but stopped when he saw that Spidey wasn't laughing. “Would he?”, he asked, nervously. Not that he couldn't handle the Avengers, probably, but he didn't want to have to fight Peter.

“You have killed more people than some of the Avengers' worst enemies, and you're already technically wanted by SHIELD. It's only a matter of days before director Fury gets tired of what you're doing and decides to stop leaving you alone”, Spidey said, seriously. Wade found himself in the peculiar and rare situation of being lost for words. After a few silent moments, Spider-Man continued.

“I know it's your job, we've already established that, but that isn't making it okay. Yes, you sometimes team up with us in the Avengers to help, and we greatly appreciate that, but just as often we find people who have fallen victim to you, and it isn't pretty”, Peter said, shuddering when he remembered some of the Deadpool-caused gruesomeness he had encountered while out on patrol.

“...I don't get what you want me to say, baby boy. I'm not gonna say 'alright, I'll stop with the killing', cause that would be a filthy, blatant lie, not that I'm averse to those, but I don't wanna lie to you. My point is that I'm Deadpool, merc with a mouth, and I'm not gonna stop killing people. Not because you say it, not because Fury says it, I'll stop if I say it. And I don't. Cash is important to me, okay?”, Wade said, trying to get Spider-Man to understand. Peter looked shocked.

“More important than friends?”, he said, swinging out through the open window with the help of a web.

_...Spider-Man is more important than money._

“Shut the fuck up”, Wade said, tiredly, not putting energy on fighting with his voices anymore.

_He's the only one who puts up with you, and he doesn't even mind your skin._

“What about Weasel?”, Deadpool asked, remembering that it was a long-ass time since he last saw Weasel.

_Weasel puts up with you in VERY limited amounts of time. And he most certainly minds your skin._

“Right. Well, I guess people like me aren't meant to have friends”, Wade said, idly flicking through the channels on the TV.

**Come on, d'ya even believe that yourself? Stop fucking sulking and work on how you're going to stay friends with the webhead!**

“I'm not sulking”, Wade said, sulkily, realizing that the voices were right. If Spider-Man was the only one willing to put up with his crazy ass, he wouldn't just let that friendship go! He checked the time on his phone. It was nearly time for taco night, even though he guessed he wasn't invited anymore. Fuck it, crashing the party without an invitation was one of his MO's anyways.

\-----

Peter looked close to furious when he saw Wade sitting outside his closed window. Wade waved and the spider returned a rude gesture the merc would have been proud of any other day. Now, it just irritated him. He opened the window despite what looked like violent protests from Peter.

“Pete, shut it and let me apologize”, Wade began, realizing that beginning an apology with an insult maybe wasn't the right way to go about it.

“You don't have to apologize. I understand, you like killing people. I, and the majority of the world, think that's wrong”, Peter said, coldly.

“Look, I'm willing to... maybe do a little less of the killing if it meant we could still hang out”, Wade said, tentatively. Peters eyes widened comically.

“Are you serious? Wait, who are you and what have you done to Wade Wilson?”, he asked, looking suspiciously at Wade. Deadpool sighed.

“I'm me, and I'm serious. You're the only one I can think of who's been nice to me for this long, and I really like your company... so I don't want us to be enemies”, Wade said, hoping that the damage he had done wasn't irreparable.

“Wow, and here I thought you only hanged out with me for the free tacos and... the view”, Peter chuckled, gesturing towards his ass. Deadpool decidedly didn't look.

“No, I like hanging out with you. And your tacos are delicious. And your ass is-”, Deadpool said, getting cut off by Peter.

“Right, that's enough! So you're serious about cutting down on the killing, just to be my friend?”, Peter said, looking almost a little bit flattered. Wade nodded.

“Yeah, and it's not like there aren't missions involving stuff other than killing. And yes, that other stuff would be illegal too, but me doing less killing is as good as it's gonna get”, Wade snorted, hoping Spidey wouldn't force him to completely cast his immoral ways aside. He would never do that.

“I get that, I'm not forcing you to become an Avenger or anything”, Peter laughed.

“Thank God!”, Wade exhaled, relieved. Spidey laughed, not taking offense.

“So... I haven't made any tacos”, Peter said, looking embarrassed. “I honestly thought you wouldn't come here again”. Deadpool made a mock-horrified face and then smiled, even though Peter couldn't see it through the mask.

“It's fine, we can order pizza or something. Tacos aren't my sole source of sustenance, y'know”, he said, whipping out his phone and dialing the closest pizza place. Peter gestured for him to sit down on the sofa, and he did so as well while Wade ordered.

“So what were you doing at the warehouse?”, Peter suddenly wondered and Wade stiffened.

“Eh, some mercenary stuff, you don't wanna know 'bout it”, he dismissed it, but Peter didn't look like he would let it go.

“Did it have something to do with your bloody state yesterday?”, he asked, gesturing towards Wade's face. Deadpool gave in.

“Yeah, I kinda needed to off a guy 'cause of my mercenary reputation. He seemed like kind of a douche though, so-”, Deadpool saw the look on the spiders face and tried to backtrack. “I mean, not that he deserved a bullet in the head...”, he tried to tread carefully, something he was very unaccustomed to. Spider-Man gave him a gentle pat on the shoulder.

“It's okay, that was before we discussed this”, he said, sounding strangely fond. Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Wade got up quickly.

“Pizza!”, he shouted and went to open for the delivery guy. He came back to Spidey with four huge pizza boxes. Peter gave him an incredulous look.

“I'm not going to be able to eat two pizza's that big”, he said, assuming that two of the pizza's were for him, and two for Wade. The merc grinned a shit-eating grin and placed one of the boxes in front of Peter.

“One for you, three for me”, he said, laughing when he saw the look on Spider-Man's face. “I've got a crazy-ass metabolism, I can almost promise you I won't even be full after eating these”, he said, setting the boxes down on the coffee table.

“It's like with Cap, then”, Peter said, biting into a slice.

“Yeah”, Wade agreed, removing his mask and biting into two slices at the same time.

“What hair color did you have?”, Peter asked suddenly, looking at the merc's bald head. Wade shrugged.

“Blond or brown, I don't remember”, he said, mouth full of pizza. “It was luscious as fuck, though. Got me all the ladies”, he chuckled. Peter nodded idly, eating another slice.

“You're buff and funny, you should still be able to pick up chicks”, Peter said, a pink blush creeping onto his cheeks. Wade raised an eyebrow.

“Oh yeah? Have you seen my skin and my crazy?”, he said, pointing to his face. Peter looked, and for a second watching the reddish pink skin and the ridges and bumps that ran through it. Then he moved his eyes to Wade's brown eyes.

“You're not ugly”, he said, quietly. Wade frowned.

“That's not even up for debate, I AM ugly”, he said, looking at Peter as if he'd suddenly grown a second head. Well, a third.

“I know that your skin is scarred, yes. But that doesn't make you ugly”, Peter said, sounding a little sad.

“Kiddo, believe me when I say that's it's okay that I'm ugly. Sure, it's not ideal, but it is what it is”, Deadpool said, trying to avoid the inevitable pity party. As always, Peter surprised him.

“I'm not saying that you aren't ugly to be nice. I'm saying it because it's my opinion. Sure, you're scarred, but I don't think it's ugly”, Peter insisted, sounding almost angry.

“...Okay, thanks Pete”, Wade said, not wanting to argue. An awkward silence spread between them, interrupted when Wade burped loudly. Peter frowned and Deadpool laughed.

“Sorry, it's coming out this way or the other, and this one smells much less”, he said, aware of how extremely gross that sounded. Peter made a face.

“Ugh”, he said, waving his hands in the air as if to dissipate the smell.

_I think you just ruined what people call 'a moment'._

“Nah, I didn't. Stop sounding so damn romantic”, Wade told the voice.

“Are your voices being romantic?”, Spidey asked, looking as if he didn't believe him.

“Don't look at me, I've got nothing to do with the voices. They're the crazy ones”, Wade shook his head and leaned back against the backrest of the sofa. Peter snorted disbelievingly and took another slice of pizza.

“So when the voice said that thing about my ass...?”, Spidey wondered and Wade was surprised at the spider's boldness of even wanting to tread such dangerous ground.

“Eh, I guess I agree”, he said, trying to sound flippant. Spidey didn't buy it.

“You totally do”, he said, raising an eyebrow. Wade didn't deny it.

“Sure. Do you do squats? Looks like it”, he said, grinning widely. Peter hit him playfully on the shoulder.

“I told you not to stare”, he said, chuckling.

“You also said, and I quote, 'I suppose I don't mind'”, Wade retorted, eyes quickly slipping down to ogle shamefully. Peter poked him in the forehead.

“Eat your pizza, it's getting cold”, he said, grinning just as widely as Wade.

“Sir, yes, sir”, Wade chuckled and took another slice of the, now cold, pizza.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deadpool helps the Avengers in an alien invasion, and visits Spider-Man for taco night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading, reviewing, and giving kudos, it means so much to me! I would also like to thank Jimmywren13 for your nice comment and the idea about having a minion death toll for Deadpool! Ultimately, that wasn't what I went with, but you definitely inspired me!

\-----

”Is it taco night tonight?”, Wade asked the voices the second he woke up. He and the spider had already had two weekends of taco night and they were closing in on their third.

_Yes, Wade, it's Friday and Fridays are taco nights._

”Stop sounding so damn bitter”, Deadpool said while dragging himself out of bed. He felt around for the mask an found it lodged under the mattress at the foot of the bed.

**You haven't sliced anyone in weeks, dick! We're getting bored!**

“Then leave, I'm sure as hell not holding you back”, Wade snorted, pulling the mask over his head with a grunt. The voices held their non-existent mouths shut for once.

“Good, now I'm going to make breakfast”, Wade said, but then remembered he had saved a few pancakes in a pouch somewhere on his suit. He scratched his head trying to remember as he opened pouch after pouch after pouch after pouch...There, found them! Wade stuffed his mouth with the pancakes and almost spat them back out.

“Ugh, that's rank!”, he murmured, but continued eating. One gotta eat, after all.

Wade threw himself onto the sofa and flicked on the TV. He checked his phone for missions, but found none he could accomplish without killing copious amounts of people. As he watched TV, the program got interrupted by a news flash.

“Everyone in near proximity to Times Square is urged by the NYPD to stay inside. The superhero group known as the Avengers are currently fighting what seems to be aliens and team leader Captain America strongly insist that civilians stay as far away from the fight as they possibly can”, the pretty woman on the screen said. They cut to a clip of the superheroes fighting the aliens. Just as there was a large explosion in the clip in the news flash, Wade could hear a large boom coming from Times Square.

“Maybe they need some help?”, Wade asked the voices, his entire body itching to fight. The voices agreed. Deadpool was out the window in seconds.

\-----

“Need some help?”, Wade shouted towards Cap as he stuck a small bomb to the armor of one of the aliens. It exploded into blue goo. “BOOM!”, the merc shouted.

“Yes, Deadpool, we could really use your help!”, Cap shouted back as he dislodged his shield from the chest of an alien. Suddenly, Spider-Man swung past them and webbed two aliens to the ground.

“Hey, webhead, is it okay if I kill these guys?”, Wade snorted as he sliced at two of them with his katanas.

“They are highly hostile and aggressive, and seem to be trying to invade Earth. I'd say it's okay”, Spidey shouted back at him, not finding the situation as funny as Wade did. Wade drove his katana right through the face of one of the aliens and behind him he could hear Spider-Man kicking another one. Suddenly, Wade felt a painful burning sensation in his leg. He looked down and saw that his leg was gone up to his mid-thigh. Bits and pieces of his own flesh littered the ground around him.

“What the fuck?!”, he growled looking around for the assailant. He saw the alien responsible just as Spidey kicked him to the ground, mashing his head against the concrete.

“God, Wade, how are you?!”, Peter suddenly forgot all about the attack they were under and webbed over to Wade to take a look at his leg.

“Spider-Man, focus on the fight!”, shouted Captain America, who was still fighting close by. Spidey looked towards his team leader, then back to Wade, seeming conflicted about what he should do.

“I'll be fine, Spidey! Look, it's already growing back!”, Deadpool shouted, pointing at the gross shreds that used to be his shank. Spidey didn't look entirely convinced, but returned to the fight anyway. Wade hopped over to an alien that had its back turned to him and sliced its head off, idly waiting for his leg to grow back. It did so in under a minute, and he returned to the fight killing more aliens than Cap.

\-----

“We thank you for your assistance, Pool of Dead”, Thor said, shaking his hand and almost crushing it in the process.

“Happy to help”, Wade said, pulling his hand back and examining it closely.

“Yeah, you should fight with us more often!”, Hawkeye said, patting his back as he walked past him, bow in hand. Deadpool was starting to get at bit freaked out by all the overly nice superheroes. He was supposed to be a feared mercenary, dammit!

“Thanks for helping out, Wade”, Spider-Man said, having made sure that no one was stuck under the charred pieces of building. “Are you sure you're not going to let the medics look at your leg?”.

“My leg's fine, Spidey. Look”, Wade pointed as he flexed his knee back and forth. Spider-Man looked as relieved as anyone could look through a mask.

“Why did you decide to help out? I thought you didn't like the Avengers?”, Spidey asked as they were watching SHIELD's agents walk around the area, looking for alien technology.

“I never said I disliked the Avengers, I'm just saying that you guys are kinda pussies when it comes to the whole killing thing. And I don't like your moral codes being all restricting and shit”, Wade said, knowing that Spidey wouldn't be happy hearing it.

“Wade, you said that you would do less of the killing!”, the webhead protested. Wade nodded patiently.

“Yeah, and I've kept that promise, not that I like it. What I can gather from all of this is that it's okay to kill hostile aliens?”, Wade turned the statement into a question. To be real honest, he didn't understand in which situations the spider thought killing was okay, and in which it wasn't. Spidey sighed, rubbing embarrassedly at the back of his head.

“This was a very special situation. These guys came out of nowhere and posed an extremely dangerous threat. Cap had to make the difficult decision to act first and ask questions later”.

“...You sound like a SHIELD textbook”, Wade commented, thinking that the Avengers were kinda hypocrites. Spider-Man shrugged.

“SHIELD plays a very big role in handling alien attacks, like the one you just helped fight. Director Fury and Cap discussed how to handle this, and they decided on an offensive approach”, Spidey replied, looking very done with the conversation.

“Sure, whatever”, Wade said, trying to remove himself from the other Avengers, simultaneously bringing Spider-Man with him.

“Where are you going, Wade?”, Spidey asked, noticing that Deadpool was slowly but surely creeping away from the rest of the group of righteousness. Wade knew Spidey wasn't dumb, so he didn't even try acting innocent about it.

“Eh, y'know, I don't really feel comfortable being in the middle of your little super-gang, so I'm gonna leave now”, Wade said, turning. Spidey hurried after him and put a hand on his shoulder.

“I'm going with you, if that's okay. I think we're done here anyways”, he said, looking back at the SHIELD agents digging around in the rubble.

“Is taco night still on?”, Wade wondered as they were walking away. Spidey was silent for a moment, but then spoke up.

“Is it okay with tacos from a food truck? I haven't had the time to prepare anything and it's getting kinda late”, Spider-Man said, sounding genuinely tired. Wade decided against whining about not getting home made tacos. He was starting to get spoiled anyway.

\-----

“These tacos are kinda decent”, Wade said approvingly, stuffing his mouth with food. They were sitting in Peter's apartment, having bought tacos from a food truck Spidey had told him had delicious food.

“Kinda decent?”, Peter chuckled, having already finished the, according to Wade, frighteningly small amount of tacos he had bought. Peter had reminded him that not everyone ate an entire month's worth of tacos in one night, and Wade had had to agree.

“Yeah, I've had better, but these are pretty good”, Wade said, looking up at Peter. The merc frowned when he noticed that the hero had a dab of sauce on his cheek, close to his mouth. Before the voices even had the time to shout at him to not do it, he had already instinctively reached forward and wiped the sauce away with his thumb. Peter blushed an impressively deep shade of red that reached from his neck up to his hairline. Wade had already licked the sauce from his thumb before registering what the heck he was doing. He blushed as well, all though not as profusely, and not as noticeable on his scarred face.

**You fucked up now...**

Deadpool fought the impulse to tell the voice to fuck off. Instead, he looked back at Peter, who still sat silent.

“...Sorry?”, Wade said, not having been in this kind of awkward-tension-situation before, and therefore having no clue as how to handle it. Peter cleared his throat quietly and looked down at his hands before speaking.

“It's okay”, he said to his hands more than to Wade. They both stayed silent for another couple of minutes. Wade, suddenly having lost his appetite, squinted angrily at the taco still on his plate, as if to reprimand it for its escape-prone sauce.

“Don't you want it?”, Peter asked suddenly, gesturing at Wade's remaining food. Wade shrugged.

“I think I overestimated my eating capacity”, he said, looking at the taco and idly wondering if the polite thing to do would be to offer the food to Peter. The spider suddenly started laughing and Wade's head whipped up to look at him.

“Sorry, it's just that you normally eat about twelve tacos every time you're here, and now you're suddenly full?”, he laughed, looking adorable. Wade gripped the edge of the table to stop himself from doing anything rash and overly sappy.

“...I ate before coming here”, Wade mumbled, hearing how stupid it sounded, it being hours since he was home.

“It's okay, Wade. I can save it in the fridge and you can eat it later if you want to”, Peter said, standing up. He put plastic wrap around Wade's plate and put it in the fridge, then proceeded to put his own plate in the sink. He sat back down on the chair, regarding Wade curiously. Wade, in a bout of stubbornness, stared back. Peter sighed, shaking his head, making Wade frown confusedly.

“What?”, he asked, idly considering to maybe just leave.

“You're acting strangely”, Peter told him, and Deadpool laughed, breaking the awkwardness of the situation.

“Newsflash, Petey, I'm always acting strangely. Just ask anyone who's ever heard of me”, Wade grinned, watching Peter starting to smile as well. Suddenly, Wade's cellphone started blasting “Barbie Girl” at full volume. Peter raised an eyebrow as Wade found the phone in one of his pouches. Wade looked at the screen to see that caller had an hidden number, nothing he wasn't used to. He answered.

“Deadpool”, he said, shortly, not wanting to be distracted from taco night. The caller told him that he was Agent blah-blah from SHIELD and Wade almost hung up, because SHIELD was NOT worth his attention.

“Before you hang up, as I know you're about to do, I would like to tell you that director Fury has proposed an agreement”, the male voice said, piquing Wade's interest.

“...Go on”, he said, doubtfully.

“It has come to our attention that you're trying to stop killing in your missions as a mercenary”, the man began. Deadpool looked suspiciously at Spidey, who tried his best to look innocent. The agent continued talking.

“As of late, SHIELD has been having a shortage in agents who are qualified for assassination missions, and after careful consideration, director Fury decided that we should contact you”, the agent said, very obviously trying his best to sound like he had a stick up his ass.

“How many fucking times to I have to tell your organization of asshats that I don't want to work for SHIELD? I'm not one of your fucking heroes, neither do I want to be!”, Wade said, trying to remain his composure solely because Peter was in the room. Otherwise, profanities would be shouted and tables would be flying.

“We're not proposing that you should work for SHIELD, or with the Avengers. We're offering an agreement where SHIELD can hire you on assassination missions. In exchange for money, of course”, he added quickly. Wade was almost a bit taken aback, but answered.

“Nothing permanent, then? Just 'shoot this guy and here's your money'?”, he asked, just to be completely sure. One never knew with SHIELD and their evil ulterior motives.

“Nothing permanent”, the agent assured. “Although, one of the requirements is that you aren't allowed to accept any assassination missions outside of SHIELD. And you have to accept at least two SHIELD missions a month for the agreement to remain”, the agent continued. Deadpool's eyebrows shot up.

“So I can continue with illegal missions outside of the SHIELD missions, as long as they aren't stabby stab missions?”, Wade asked, thinking SHIELD had to be pretty damn desperate to agree to a deal like that.

“That's correct. If you accept the agreement, please book an appointment to see director Fury within the next week”, the agent rushed, apparently not comfortable with talking to Wade any longer.

“Will do! Bye, sweetie”, Wade said in a singsong voice before hanging up. He looked at Peter, who had been quiet for the entire call.

“Good news?”, he asked, when he saw Wade's expression.

“Baby boy, I'd never ever thought I would say this, but SHIELD isn't fully made up of horse shit and asswipes”, Wade said, putting his phone back in the pouch he had found it.

“That's good..., right?”, Peter said, dubiously. Wade nodded enthusiastically.

“They offered to hire me for assassination missions! That's okay, right?”, he asked, suddenly apprehensive that Peter still wouldn't think it to be okay. To his relief, Peter nodded slowly.

“I guess so, SHIELD mission are definitely more controlled and thought-through than the missions you usually get from various gangs and thugs”, Peter said, smiling at Wade.

“Hey, my missions are thought-through!”, Wade laughed, and moved around the table to shove at Spidey, playfully. Peter didn't budge, but looked up at Wade and snorted at his pathetic attempts. Then, he looked serious again, but still with a smile.

“I'm happy for you, Wade”, he said, looking incredibly sincere. Wade reached down and pressed his lips against Peter's.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deadpool kissed Spider-Man, and now he needs to deal with the consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and giving kudos, and for all the lovely comments! You guys are the best! Sorry this chapter is a bit shorter, I've been suffering from the dreaded writer's block, but I hope you like the chapter anyway!

\-----

After about half a second, Wade realized what he had done. He quickly pulled back and looked at Peter, who, in turn, looked shocked, to say the least. Wade found himself alarmingly lost for words, something that usually only happened once or twice every decade, but had started happening more and more often around a certain Spider-Man.

“Wha-”, Peter started, cautiously, but Wade cut him off.

“Wow, Spidey, I really don't know what happened there but I guess this further proves my craziness”, he said and moved his index finger in a circle motion at his head, indicating how truly insane he was. Spidey looked at him dubiously, not seeming to believe him.

“Why did you do that?”, he asked, as if he hadn't heard Wade explain it just a second ago. Deadpool had to hold his breath to keep himself from sighing. Why did Peter always see right through him?

“Because I'm completely nuts?”, he tried again, just to be sure. Spidey's face displayed an expression that told him that he wasn't going to be fooled that easily.

“You're clearly not as crazy as you want people to believe”, he said, but dropped the subject. Wade couldn't decide if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

\-----

“I totally fucking kissed Pete!”, Wade all but screamed when he had gotten home to his own, ratty apartment.

**Haha, told you I was right!**

“You don't get to talk! You put this shitty idea in my head in the first place, with all of that talk about asses!”, Wade took a bowl from the coffee table and hurled it at the wall. It shattered into thousands of pieces with a satisfying crash.

_He didn't seem completely disgusted..._

“Oh sure, and I'm Iron Man”, Wade laughed coldly, kicking the wall, making chunks of drywall come flying.

_This apartment is already atrocious enough, no need to make it any worse._

Deadpool nearly screamed in frustration at the insufferable voices, but his attention was caught by someone sitting at the window sill. Just. Fucking. Great.

“Did you follow me?”, Wade asked in the most offended voice he could muster. The red-and-black clad spider laughed quietly.

“I've been here at least five times, I know where you live by now”. He jumped down and walked into the room, looking over to the broken remains of the bowl and the dented wall.

“Throwing a tantrum?”, he asked amusedly, and Deadpool sighed loudly. Why did this guy always have to be so damn nosy?

“Refurnishing”, Wade answered stiffly. He slumped down onto the sofa and Spidey gave him a curious look.

“And you're Iron Man?”, he asked, his mask creased around his mouth, indicating that he was smiling. Wade froze.

“How much did you hear?”, he asked, not looking directly at the man, who walked closer to the sofa.

“That was about it”, he said and shrugged, sitting down next to Wade. Wade had to put all of his willpower into not leaving the room.

“The why did you come here, Spidey?”, Wade asked, not really wanting to know the answer.

“Because I thought about what happened, and even though you said you did it because you're crazy, I couldn't help but notice that you acted kinda... off after that”, Peter said, and Wade had to hand it to him; the guy was perceptive. Not that that made Wade any less freaked out over the situation.

“Why did you kiss me, Wade?”, Peter asked, catching Wade completely off-guard.

“I thought you agreed that I was crazy?”, he said, frowning. He had thought that once the subject was dropped, it was dropped.

“I didn't. At least not the 'kissing-random-people'-crazy”, Peter chuckled, and actually, if Wade focused his eyes really well in the dim light of the apartment, blushed slightly.

**Adorbs!**

“Well, believe what you want, I'm going to play video games 'til I pass out on the couch, and you should probably be on night patrol or somethin'”, Wade said, finding his PS3 controller lodged between the cushions of the sofa.

“Nope, I'm not on duty tonight”, Spidey said and slumped down beside Wade in a graceful manner. He took off his mask and put his feet on the coffee table. Wade gave him a look.

“Sure, feel right at home!”, he said, sarcastically. “If you need to use the toilet, do it in the sink, there was an incident in the toilet involving a year old burrito”, he said and ignored the frown Peter displayed.

“I thought you could withstand things like food poisoning”, Peter said while being handed a controller. Wade nodded.

“Sure, any other old food is a fucking walk in the park, but this particular burrito was one of Samantha's extra super spicy ones and it had been sharing pouch with a can of surstromming – basically rotten fish – so not even my stomach of steel could handle it”, Wade laughed, even though the memory still made his stomach hurt.

“Why do you walk around with rotten fish in...whatever, let's just play”, Spidey said and Wade started the game.

\-----

“Seriously Peter, have you ever played this game before?”, Wade almost shouted when Peter, for the umpteenth time, managed to get them both killed in a bout of ridiculous clumsiness.

“Sorry, not in a while. I've been too busy lately”, Peter answered and put the controller down as if trying to not do any more damage. Wade put his controller down too, his stomach rumbling loudly. He looked out the window, noticing that it was the crack of dawn.

“Wanna get some pizza?”, he asked, already looking around for his phone.

“You didn't really answer me before”, Peter said, abruptly. Wade stilled and looked at the other man.

“When? About what?”, he wondered, squinting at him.

“About what happened at my place. And why”, Peter said, and Wade almost put his foot through the TV. Not that he was a violent man. Not at all.

“Why don't you just fucking drop it?”, he sighed. “I do stuff even I can't explain sometimes”.

“And if you were to try to explain it?”, Spidey asked, looking at Wade intently. Wade shrugged to show that he really didn't have a fucking clue. Which was a blatant lie. He knew very well, in the very back of his mind, that he had kissed Peter because he was the sexiest, cutest, nicest, taco-making piece of ass he had ever met.

“Now, pizza”, Wade said and dialed the number, while Peter looked at him weirdly.

Wade ordered the usual amount of a fuckton of pizzas for himself, and one for Peter, at his request.

“Want a beer?”, Wade asked when he had hung up. Peter nodded.

“Sure”, he said, starting the game to try and practice. Not that he would ever get on Wade's level, obviously.

Wade grabbed two ice cold beers from the fridge and stepped on two cockroaches as he went. They crunched under his foot, but ran away as soon as he lifted his foot again.

“Immortal bastards”, he mumbled, realizing the irony in that statement. He went back to Peter and handed him one of the beers, screwing the cap off his own, pulling the mask up and sipped.

“You don't get drunk, right?”, Peter asked, suddenly. Wade looked up at him and smiled wickedly.

“No, why? Wanna try? I bet I could get drunk with like two buckets of beer and the bottle of vodka I have stored in the kitchen”, he said, never one to back down from a challenge. Peter opened his mouth and closed it again, looking, to Wade's delight, like he considered it. He then nodded slowly.

“Okay, it could be fun”, he said, his eyes twinkling rebelliously. The doorbell rang and Peter went to get the pizza while Wade gathered and cleaned two nasty buckets that had been stored in his bathroom for god-knows-what. He then filled them with beer and grabbed the bottle of vodka, carefully carrying everything to the living room where the pizza boxes waited. Peter looked at Wade expectantly.

“If I didn't know better I'd think you were trying to get me drunk, naughty spider”, Wade teased and Peter laughed, sipping his own beer slowly. Wade started chugging the first bucket, then the second. For the first time in a really long time he actually felt tipsy. Without hesitation he downed the vodka and sat down, feeling the world go blurry around the edges.

“Whoa”, he said shaking his head slightly. Peter moved into his peripheral view, smiling smugly.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, looking slightly drunk himself. Ha, lightweight! Wade snickered to himself, but remembered that Spidey wanted an answer.

“'m fine”, he slurred and frowned at his unsteady voice. Peter snorted out a laugh and sat back down on the sofa. Wade whined when his vision already started clearing up.

“Quick, I need to do something stupid before I sober up”, he said and shot himself in the foot. Ouch.

“Wade, what the hell?!”, Peter shouted, looking at Wade's bloody foot. It had already started to heal. Wade put his hand on Peter's shoulder in a reassuring manner.

“Relax, I'm healing”, he said and smiled sheepishly. Peter seemed to calm down fractionally. Wade reached in and pressed his lips to his.

_You're doing it again._

Wade tried to quickly pull back, but found that with Peter's lips fondly massaging his, he couldn't. He sneaked a hand around Peter to put it on the back of his head, pulling him closer. He didn't seem to object.

They stayed like that for a couple of minutes, lightly kissing, until Peter had to move away for air, panting slightly. Wade kept his hand on the back of his head, nestled into his brown hair. Peter looked at him, brown eyes searching for answers.

“The pizza's are getting cold”, Wade said and pulled his hand out of Peter's hair. Peter nodded and looked to the pizza boxes.

“Yeah”, he said, and they moved to eat, continuing to play video games.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deadpool and Spider-Man start the day in a compromising position, and end the day with a piggyback ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for being patient with my slow updates, and thank you for commenting and giving kudos!

\-----

Wade woke up feeling uncomfortably warm. He sat up and felt something slide off him. No, not something – someone. He looked down and saw Peter lying draped across his legs, with his head now close to the floor. The game they had been playing was paused, and a quick glance at his phone told him that it was 9 am. Peter was snoring loudly, almost masking the rumbling of Wade's stomach. He carefully and quietly tried to disentangle himself from Peter, but the younger man woke up with a start and jumped off the couch, eyes wide open. When he saw Wade, he calmed down.

”Sorry Wade, spider reflexes”, he said and sat down again.

”'s fine”, Wade mumbled and got up to go to the kitchen. He opened a cabinet and found a packet of Pop-Tarts. “D'you want something to eat?”, he shouted back to Peter.

“No, thanks, I'm good”, Peter shouted back. Wade shrugged and took a Pop-Tart for himself, not bothering to toast it. He went back to the living room.

“So”, Peter said, when Wade sat back down on the couch.

“What?”, he asked, not in the mood for guessing games.

“About the make out session...”, Peter said gingerly. Wade sighed. He wasn't escaping this, was he?

“That was hardly a make out session, all of our hands were above waist level”, Wade snorted, imagining how things could have turned out if their hands hadn't been above waist level. He immediately regretted thinking about it, and tried to imagine Blind Al naked instead. Ew.

“Right, so maybe not make out session, but-”, Peter began, but his phone started ringing. He answered, while Wade looked on as his expressions grew more and more confused and concerned.

“Okay, Agent Hill, I'll talk to him about it. Bye”, he said and hung up. He looked at Wade.

“What did I do now?”, the merc asked in mock offendedness.

“You didn't do anything, we're being sent on a mission”, Peter explained, while looking for his mask.

“We as in we both, together?”, Wade raised his eyebrows. He didn't think SHIELD would ever take the risk of sending him, Deadpool, on a mission with a real hero. The Daily Bugle would have a field day with pointing out how the Avengers had started to associate themselves with vermin such as himself.

“Yeah, apparently some questionable scientists stole two alien bodies from the attack yesterday, and they need us to confiscate the bodies. Things will probably get messy as they work for an illegal weapons manufacturer, and that's were you come in. You do the shooting, I do the confiscating”, Spidey said, pulling on the mask.

“So we are leaving right now?”, Wade asked, pulling on his mask as well.

“Yeah, Agent Hill sent me the coordinates and the blueprints to the lab, so we leave now”, he said and walked to the window. “Jump on”, he pointed to his back. Deadpool laughed.

“I'm riding you?”, he choked in between fits of laughter. Spidey looked exasperated.

“Ha ha, very funny. We'll get there much faster this way, just jump on!”, he said, sounding slightly angry.

“Okay, okay”, Wade calmed him and jumped on, holding tight as Peter jumped out the window and swung them across the city.

\-----

Wade found it unsurprisingly very comfortable to be pressed up against Peter's hot, strong back. The adrenaline of swinging through the air at breakneck speed already had him a bit... excited, and the proximity to Spidey only fueled that flame. Suddenly, Peter sucked in a breath and glanced back at Wade.

“Wade, what the heck do you think you're doing?”, he hissed, trying to keep himself concentrated enough to not crush them against a skyscraper. Wade found it absolutely adorable.

“I'm not doing anything”, he said, innocently, very contrary to the hard-on that was pressed to Spidey's back. Luckily, they had arrived at the two story research facility they were supposed to infiltrate. Peter let go of the web and they both landed gently on the ground. He turned to Wade, arms crossed.

“Don't do stuff like that, I could've dropped you!”, he said, sounding both angry and something else. Wade's voices waggled their non-existent eyebrows suggestively.

“Hey, I'm sorry, but it just kinda happened”, Wade shrugged, once again thinking about Al to try to will his erection away. He looked back at Peter.

“You're the leader of this mission, right? What do you want me to do?”, he asked, trying to act as amiable as possible. Now when he knew in what direction Peter potentially was leading their more-than-friendship, he didn't want to scare him away. Peter pulled out his phone from some unknown place and showed Wade the blueprints and details of the building.

“The number of hostiles is unknown, so please be cautious”, he said, while moving towards the building. Wade followed, thinking an unknown number of hostiles didn't call for cautiousness, it called for going in, guns blazing. Spidey stopped outside a garage door with a sign that said 'cargo' on it. There was a tiny gap between the door and the pavement, letting Peter open it enough for them to slide in under. Wade had to stop and wait for his eyes to adjust to the darkness of the garage, while Peter was investigating the two trucks housed in the garage.

“There's nothing in them”, he concluded, walking back to Wade.

“Let's get going then, baby boy”, Wade said, pulling his guns out. Spider-Man followed him silently to the door at the end of the garage.

“I'll kick it open, you need to stay behind me for protection if they also have guns”, Wade whispered, noting how close Spidey once again was.

“I can dodge bullets”, he protested angrily. Wade put a hand to his mouth to hush him.

“I know, but it'll be unnecessary since I can survive just fine looking like swiss cheese”, Deadpool chuckled, preparing himself for kicking the door open. He turned to Peter again.

“Kiss for good luck?”, he asked, not actually expecting Peter would even deem that worthy of an answer. To his surprise, Peter pulled his mask up to his nose and pressed his lips to Wade's clothed cheek. He pulled back and put his mask back in place while Wade tried to get his brain back in place.

“Thanks”, he murmured, and gestured to Spidey to be ready. He then kicked the door, which flew open with a loud bang. Everyone in the sterile white corridor froze.

“These people doesn't seem armed”, Spidey whispered. Deadpool agreed and lowered his guns a bit. He grabbed the nearest scientist, a guy who looked to be in his forties.

“Hey sunshine, seen any aliens here lately?”, he asked, putting the gun to the guy's forehead. Spidey flinched and looked like he wanted to grab the gun, but stilled when he saw the guy nodding slightly, panic flickering in his eyes.

“Y..yes, some scientists, not from my division, brought something yesterday”, he sobbed, trying to hold as still as possible. Deadpool inched closer.

“Uh huh, and were are those aliens now?”, he asked. The guy shook his head violently.

“I'm not sure, they warned me not to ask questions”. Wade clicked the safety off, and the guy yelped. “Maybe they're in section five, usually their projects are classified”, he whimpered. Wade shrugged and was just about to finish the job off by shooting him when Spidey understood what he was about to do and pulled the gun away from his hand with a web.

“No killing innocent people”, he reprimanded. Wade had to promise not to kill anyone other than baddies for a good two minutes before he got his gun back.

“Do you have section five on those blueprints?” he asked when they stalked down the, now abandoned, corridor. Peter checked his phone.

“Yeah, it's through that door and down the stairs”, he said and pointed. They went through the door and at the bottom of the stairs people with guns waited for them. Wade looked at Spidey, annoyed that he had to ask for permission before doing what he did best. Spider-Man nodded hesitantly, but whispered that he should try to incapacitate them instead of killing them. Wade jumped down the last flight of stairs and was noticed immediately.

“Are you guys hiding any illegal projects down here?”, he asked cheerfully. The two goons answered him by shooting at him. He ducked, rolled, and shot them both in the head. Spidey sighed at the top of the stairs.

“I tried, but they were rude”, Wade muttered. They opened the door with a big five on it, revealing crates of firearms, weird, gooey stuff in test tubes, and two big freezers. Wade whistled.

“This definitely looks like your standard evil HYDRA science lab”, he said, heading straight for the freezers.

“These guys aren't HYDRA, but yeah, I suppose it usually looks like this”, Spidey said, making sure the freezers were containing the alien bodies.

“How the fuck do we bring these back?”, Wade asked, gesturing towards the massive freezers. Spidey began pulling one of the bodies out, covering it in web.

“I said so before; you do the shooting, I do the confiscating. I doubt the two guys outside of the door were the only armed people in the building”, he said, and, as if on cue, five armed people stormed through the door, pointing their guns at them.

“Finally!”, Wade groaned. “I thought I would have to start shooting myself out of boredom”. He charged towards the guys, shooting two of them, as he kicked and crushed the kneecap of one of the others. The guy sank down onto the floor in pain and Wade decided to put the poor fellow out of his misery. Before he knew it, all the guys were dead, and he was standing ankle deep in blood, grinning like the maniac he probably was. He turned to Spidey.

“All of these were bad guys!”, he tried to defend himself. He felt the blood rush from his face when he saw Peter, pressed to the wall with his hands pressed against a dark red patch on his leg. Both of the alien bodies were lying on the ground, neatly packaged in web. Deadpool rushed over to the spider.

“Let me see”, he said, pushing Peter's hands away. The wound, thankfully, seemed to have gone through without damaging anything significant, and Wade pulled bandages out of a pouch to dress the wound.

“You can't carry these now”, he pointed at the bodies. Peter tried to protest, but Wade wouldn't hear any of it. He heaved the bodies onto his shoulders while trying to support Peter at the same time.

\-----

Wade sat and waited at one of SHIELD's headquarters. He had tried to insist they take Peter to a hospital, because there was no way in hell he ever trusted SHIELD with anything important, but Peter had told him that it was okay. He had already dumped the bodies in SHIELD's own lab, where they, no doubt, would do something even worse than the crazy scientists that they had taken them from would have done. Oh well, he was getting paid, at least. He looked up as he heard the shuffling sound of Peter trying to walk without putting any weight on his damaged leg.

“They stitched it up and told me to go home and wait for it to heal”, he told Wade, who immediately stretched out his arm as support. Then he got a crazy awesome idea.

“Let's go to my place. It's much closer than yours, and I suppose it would feel kinda awkward riding a taxi in a suit soaked with blood”, he said, praying to every deity that Peter would say yes.

“Uh, sure”, he said, and Wade could tell from his tone of voice that he was DEFINITELY blushing under the mask.

“Awesome”, he said and snatched Peter off the ground, carrying him bridal style out of SHIELD HQ.

“Hey, put me down!”, Peter said and lightly smacked him on the head. The merc eyed Peter's bad leg.

“It would take an hour limping to my place on that leg. Piggyback ride?”, he suggested, and Peter reluctantly agreed. He shifted position to Wade's back, and Wade, in turn, was careful not to touch his wound. He grinned widely when he realized that roles were reversed from the morning when Peter had given him a piggyback ride. He mentioned it to Peter, who chuckled happily.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deadpool and Spider-Man hang out in Deadpool's apartment, and Deadpool gets an interesting offer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We finally have a teeny tiny bit of smut in this, yay! And yes, I know these guys aren't exactly the poster boys for healthy relationships right now, but they're working on it! Thank you all for being patient, and for all the comments and kudos, it means the world to me!

\-----

Wade set Peter down carefully on his grimy sofa, mindful of his leg.

”Does it still hurt?”, he asked, not remembering how long it used to take for wounds to stop hurting back when he didn't heal. As far as he knew, Spidey healed faster than normal people, but he didn't have the supermegaawesome healing Wade had. Peter shook his head no, but Wade suspected he was lying. He sat down next to Peter carefully, keeping a close eye on his leg to make sure he didn't accidentally bump it. Peter rolled his eyes.

“Wade you don't need to act as if I'm going to fall apart at any given moment. Believe me when I say I've had way worse than this”, he gestured towards his leg.

“Yeah, I just don't really remember how much normal humans can take”, Wade chuckled and Peter huffed in mock indignation.

“I'm actually a superhero, not any 'normal human'. I can climb walls and stuff”, he crossed his arms while glaring playfully at Deadpool.

“You can climb walls? Oh em gee, that is so much cooler than laser eyes and invisibility and shit”, Wade teased him, grinning. Peter tried to look offended, but failed by starting to laugh. He threw his mask at Wade's head, and he pulled it on on top of his own mask.

“Look, spideypool! That's what this fic's about, right?”, Wade laughed, while Peter shook his head in confusion.

“Spideypool? What are you talking ab...”, he started, but Wade put a finger on his lips.

“Shh! Don't break the fourth wall!”, he snorted. Peter still didn't understand what Wade was going on about, but he laughed at his antics all the same. Wade pulled the Spider-Man mask off his head and threw it back to Peter. To make sure they didn't just sit there in awkward silence, Wade flicked the TV on. There was a nature documentary about spiders on and Wade looked at Peter, grinning.

“Oh haha, very funny”, Peter said, rolling his eyes, but struggling not to smile. Somehow they both ended up watching the documentary, Peter slowly, slowly leaning against Wade's shoulder. Suddenly, Wade could hear him snoring quietly, leaving a wet patch of drool on his shoulder. The voices aww'd, but then had to clear their non-existent throats loudly to regain manliness-points. Wade almost snorted at their silly behavior.

**He fell asleep, and now we don't get any action! Are we really this boring?**

“Stop it with the pouting!”, Wade complained. He hated it when they pouted, because negativity could sometimes stick to him like dog shit to a shoe sole, and having sulking voices inside his head didn't help out in the least. “Maybe I've been too subtle in my flirting? What would you do in my situation?”, he quietly asked the mangy cushion lodged between his calves. He answered his own question in a slightly higher-pitched voice. “I don't know Wade, but with your incredibly handsome looks and charming demeanor, he should be yours in no time”. Wade nodded attentively and looked at Peter who were still sleeping with his head against his shoulder. It was probably not even that late, but Wade supposed a bullet to the leg could do that to you if you couldn't heal on the spot.

\-----

Suddenly Wade's phone started ringing. He quickly fished it from his pocket and noticed with a frown that he had forgotten to rinse Peter's blood off his suit and now it was dry and flaky. Looking at the display didn't reveal much as the caller had a hidden number. Someone requesting his services then.

“Deadpool”, he answered with the same menacing voice he usually used on potentially unwanted people.

“You wanna earn 500k?”, a gravelly voice on the other end asked.

_Yes._

**YES!!!!**

“Whadd'ya want me to do?”, Wade asked, suspiciously. That much money probably meant he would have to off a huge amount of people, and Pete wouldn't like that.

“Take out a person who's been bothering me and my company for a while. If you'll take the job I'll send you the details”, the voice answered.

“Only one person?”, Deadpool asked, surprised. “Why the 500k, then? Not that I'm complaining, of course!”

“Because I have the money to spend, and because I want you to assure that it'll be done as painfully as possible”. Wade could almost hear the man sneer through the phone. He looked over at Peter, still sleeping peacefully. Dammit. He really, really shouldn't.

“Consider it done. Send me the details”, he said and hung up as quickly as he could, feeling something close to guilt. He had never really felt that before. The phone in his hands dinged as he was sent an address, blueprints to something that looked like an apartment building, and a picture of the person he was supposed to off. It was a man with an angular face and graying hair. Wade moved to stand up, guessing the “client” wanted the job done as soon as possible.

Peter stirred and woke up with a start.

“Are you leaving?”, he asked, sleepily. Wade pushed himself into the couch again.

“I...I got a mission”, he said, pointing at his phone. Peter smiled at him.

“From SHIELD?”, he asked, and Wade didn't want to disappoint him, he really didn't. But he had to. Because apparently Peter had been right, apparently he did care more about money than he cared about Peter. He wanted to shoot himself in the face for being such a first class ass.

“No, other stuff”, he mumbled. Peter shot him a stern look.

“Why do you seem so guilty? It's a no-killing mission, right?”, he asked, sounding like he desperately wanted Wade to be a good person, a changed man. Wade shook his head.

“There's this guy I have to take out”, he said while checking the guns in his holsters to make sure they were functional. He didn't want to look Peter in the eye. “It's 500k”, he added, and immediately regretted it. Peter's nostrils flared in a way that assured Wade he was about to have the shouting match of his life.

“That's a lot of fucking money, maybe you could use it to buy new friends”, Peter snarled, looking as if he wanted to rip Wade's windpipe out with his bare hands. Wade already felt defeated.

“Oh, Pete, come on! I know it seems like I only care about money, but I care about you too”, he said, knowing it wouldn't sound very convincing, even though it was the truth.

“Yeah? Well, if you can't commit to a promise that involves not killing people, then I'm not sure you're a person I wanna be around! You don't have to quit killing, do whatever the fuck you want - become a super villain if that pleases you – but don't expect me to patiently stand by while I know you're taking people's lives just because you love money so much”, Peter all but shouted, scrambling to stand up and put his mask back on. Wade grabbed hold of his arm, but Peter flinched out of his grip. Ouch.

“I'll call it off”, he mumbled.

“What?”, Spidey asked, still looking ready to punch him in the face.

“I'll call it off”, Wade repeated, a bit louder. “I'm really, really sorry because I wanna become a better person, partly because you want me to, and partly because I actually want to too. I want you to be able to trust me, because I do actually care about you more than money. The next time someone that isn't SHIELD asks me to off someone, I'll turn them down immediately”, he said, feeling more confident in his ability to turn down money, now that he had felt the guilt that came with breaking what he had promised. Peter sat back down.

“Thank you for apologizing, but I still don't know if I can trust you”, he sighed, looking more tired and sad than Wade had ever seen him before.

“I like you”, he blurted out. Well, there was no going back now. “I like you and I don't want to disappoint you, so I'll stay away from missions like these, and now I'm starting to sound very sappy and that's very out of character, author, shut me up before I shoot myself in the face”, Wade said, pressing both his hands against his mouth. Peter looked at him, seemingly at a loss for words.

“I like you too, Wade. And I almost wish I could see pass the fact that you kill people for money, but I can't, so I really appreciate that you're willing to stop”, he said, smiling again. Wade's heart did backflips. "I'm still kinda mad at you though", Peter added. Suddenly, he looked apprehensive.

“But won't that guy come after you, if you've promised to kill that guy for him”, he asked, reaching out to grab Wade's arm. Wade chuckled.

“Maybe, but it's not like he's paid me yet, so I dunno what that would accomplish”, he said, secretly relishing the feeling of Peter's warm hand on his arm. They both stayed quiet for a moment.

“Did you finish watching the documentary?”, Peter wondered.

“Yeah, it was interesting. Did you know female spiders eat the male after mating?”, Wade asked, giggling like a schoolgirl. Peter rolled his eyes.

“Almost everybody asks me that”, he replied. “I'm not actually a spider, you know. I just have some spider abilities”, Peter chuckled, shoving Wade lightly when he didn't stop laughing.

“I know, Pete. And I'm not actually a pool of dead, surprise, surprise!”, Wade snorted, not wanting to think about how he had acquired the name in the first place. He looked up to see Peter smiling fondly at him. He scooted closer and Wade felt his heart speed up as his blood rushed to all the inappropriate places.

“I didn't exactly mean to fall asleep before”, he mumbled.

“Oh yeah? Then what did you mean to do?”, Wade grinned wickedly.

“...the almost-making-out we did yesterday was nice...”, he said, looking at Wade as if he expected to be turned down.

“It sure was”, Wade agreed. “Wanna pick up where we finished?”, he asked. Peter nodded enthusiastically, and that was all the incentive Wade needed to rip his mask off, snake a hand around Peter's midriff, and press his lips to his. Peter immediately opened his mouth to let Wade's tongue worm its way inside. Peter tasted sweet with a hint of toothpaste, and his mouth was impossibly warm and very, very nice. To Wade's surprise, Peter's hands, that previously had rested at his back, slid lower and lower until he was gripping the globes of his ass. Wade wanted to return the favor, when he was pushed, gently but resolutely, so that his back was flat against the cushions of the couch. Peter crawled on top of him like he truly was an over-sized spider and moved his hands to the sides of Wade's face while deepening the kiss even more. They continued until they were both out of air, and Peter drew away, breathing heavily. Wade planted kisses to his jaw and neck, sucking at a spot just beneath his jaw. Peter let out a quiet moan, encouraging Wade to keep exploring.

“Do you want clothes to come off?”, Wade felt like he needed to ask. Peter looked hesitant.

“I...maybe?”, he asked.

“If you want to, we could do this again sometime, so we really don't need to go all out now if you don't feel like it”, Wade reassured him. Peter looked relieved and started kissing Wade again with renewed ferocity, pressing the length of his body against Wade's. Wade was certain Peter could feel the bulge that was growing between his legs, since it was poking him in the thigh, but Peter's own bulge was poking him back, so maybe he was just as excited as he was. After a few more minutes of intense kissing that gradually slowed down, Peter pulled back to look at Wade. His cheeks were almost glowing red, and it seemed like Wade had messed his hair up at some point.

“I need to go to borrow your shower”, he said, looking slightly embarrassed. Wade smiled at him.

“I'll shower after you. Luckily my shower doesn't really get hot water, since the water will need to be sub zero temperatures to calm this erection down”, he gestured towards aforementioned erection and Peter blushed even more.

“I'm kinda in the same situation”, he admitted, barely even glancing down to his own tented trousers. He crawled off of Wade – who immediately missed the warmth – kissed him one more time, pulled back with a smile, and padded off to the bathroom.


End file.
